It takes two to tango.

Don't ever stand a girl up. Not in any way, or on any level.

Christmas nights

Happy feelings, giving gifts, lovely people, and a kind heart.


Thank you for loving me even when it's the hardest thing to do.

The perfect halo of yellow and gold lightning

After 10 long months of being completely single and loving it, I've reached a point where I might be comfortable with the idea "single-and-ready-to-mingle".

I went on a long-awaited date last night with the only person that has managed to get me out of my single funk. We went to Traverse Mountain Outlets to finish our shopping date we didn't really get to finish in SLC. I found everything I was looking for: long skirts, ties, and trousers. I didn't buy anything (mainly because I didn't have the patience to try anything on[which may or may not have been because it's winter and I definitely don't shave my legs... but that's beside the point]). I would call this a huge accomplishment. And I realized something about him on this little shopping trip: he knows more about clothing terms than I do! It was really quite impressive until I got jealous.

I managed to get him to believe I utterly despised America and there was nothing good about this country. He got so heated about it, and I just laughed in the passenger seat because I found it so hilarious. It was a good basis for our night, though, so I regret nothing.

We watched the weirdest movie ever: Fantastic Mr. Fox. And when I say weird, I mean really weird. We were funny, though.


NOW.


I thought I was doing really well with the whole being flirty thing. Between laughing and giggling and the teasing, I thought it was just the right amount for him... I didn't want to freak him out. I didn't know how he felt about cuddling and holding hands and things like that, so I didn't really get my hopes up about it. I wasn't let down at the end of the night when I wasn't given what every girl hopes for at her doorstep because I wasn't expecting it. Not at all (although everyone else in my life was).

BUT, don't worry, apparently my caution was not what he had in mind. I have a "bubble". You're probably asking yourself what this means, and so am I.. so am I.

I guess it means I need to be more flirty and touchy. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE FLIRTY. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE TOUCHY AND CUTE ANYMORE. I've lost my ability to be sultry. I feel like I've lost my womanhood. When a guy says you aren't being flirty enough... YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.


Favorite line of the night:
A: I don't know if I want to hug you cause you hate America so much...
C: Shut up, you want to hug me *goes in for hug* *steps on his toes* *embarrassed*



And he said, with his head in her hair, "Chloe, you're so beautiful!".

I sure hope I don't regret this post.

GOML

im all about change and trying new things and not being stuck. but I am doing just that; im stuck.
i want people on my same level.
i want people who will support me in my decisions.
i want someone who understands me

 

Competition number one

First competition of the season is tomorrow. I feel more prepared than I have in previous years, but now I understand the politics and I'm not just there to dance; I'm there to look good.
I've noticed that everyone looks the same- I mean that every team does the same thing; turns, kicks, handstands, drop splits... It's just nothing new. It's not exciting anymore. We finally have what it takes to win, and it's my last year. Give the program two years and they'll be incredible; they'll be unique. Which is what drill team needs. Desperately.
I'm excited to go to Jordan tomorrow. I feel so confident about how I look. The only thing that's worrying me is my lack of sleep. It's become a serious issue. But my adrenaline should pump me up when I'm out on the floor. I hope.

These are my favorite places/ people

These are my favorite places.
I can't wait to go back.
I belong here.
My heart longs for these beautiful places.
Nature is what makes me so close to my Heavenly Father.
I can go back to that little cafe in London that has an egg sandwich that I still dream about.
Those shops that line the streets- they call for me.
The cigarette air.
RAIN.
The clothes.
The people.
The family.
The history.
The streets.
The castles.
The darkness.
ART.
Those big black crows and those ducks.
Fish and chips.
MUSIC.
A new adventure, a new chapter, and memories I won't ever forget.
Everything about this place.
Germany. Scotland. England. Wales. Maybe France.
This is happening. It's real. I'm growing up and going out on my own. Life is working out.
-----------------------------------------
I had a lovely Skype chat with Taylor Gunther (Yes, I'm copying you). This boy is a reminder to me that not all boys are dumb; that boys can be respectful and fun and different. He's totally his own, he's one of my best friends, and I love him dearly. He's been a huge example to me over the years, and I owe a lot of who I am to who he is and the part he's played in my life. More girls deserve a boy like him in their lives. I hope one day I'll be blessed with someone like Taylor. Thanks for being around for me for so long, Tay. I love you :) And I can't forget that I am also forever in debt to him for his amazing skills at hooking me up with one classy man (we'll see how that works out and how much credit he'll actually want to take for it ;)).
Quality people are hard to find in this day and age, so I'm one lucky girl to have been blessed with nothing but those kinds of people. Thanks guys, you've effected my eternities, and I hope I've had a small effect on yours. Boys, thanks for showing me what a worthy priesthood holder looks like. Thanks for showing me what a true friend is. And girls, you already know that you're my everything. Thanks for accepting me and all my many, many flaws. You are my best friends. The Lord must love me for blessing me with such amazing and strong young women. You're my sisters- forever and forever.

Homecomings

Elder Scott's mission homecoming talk



What a perfect person to talk when I myself am thinking about going on my mission in a few short months. He has grown immensely in the gospel- it's amazing what a mission can do for a young man. He spoke with such power and passion that he brought me to tears. Not even for a specific reason, his authority just brought the spirit in so strongly. He got me to think "I can't wait for my turn".
He said something that really hit me: you are sent to a mission completely unique to who you are; what you look like, how you act, your personality and characteristics, your strengths and your weaknesses. You are sent to specific places solely for specific people. Whether that's for one or two or 10,000, it's for them. A mission is so personal.
He went to NJ for two people. I wonder who I'll be going for....?


Faith is a principle of action and power.

Kind things hurt the worst

Sometimes I wonder if they would have publicly said such loving things about me.
Sometimes I wonder if they remember how ever- present I was not even a year ago.
Sometimes I wonder if I ever enter their thoughts.

Sometimes happens much more often than usual. Especially lately.


What about me wasn't good enough?

In the corner.

It's itty-bitty, teeny-tiny, but it's there. And it's uncomfortable. It shocked me when I found out.

Everyone knows girls can be the most insecure creatures on this planet. They also know they can be the most confident. Some days girls feel beautiful, and skinny, and their outfit looks good and their hair lays just right. Some days that cute boy talks to you and you think, for just a night or two, that he's interested. He flirts, and he's sweet. Some days things just work out.

Other days... Other days don't. But today isn't one of those days.

And then you have days that are in betweens. Some days go great, you look in the mirror and feel beautiful and you think you have mesmerizing eyes. But then you see something, you hear something, and that feeling is gone. Annoyance and a short temperament overcome you. Why? Why are good moments ruined?
I don't know. But right now, I'm feeling beautiful and vulnerable, and like I could jump for it, and id be okay with falling- even if I fell into empty air; sometimes falling is exciting, and even when you land, you don't regret the fall.

Missionaries left, right, and center.

Well guys. He. Is. Home.

I just saw him and..... He's thin. And tall. Taller than I remember. I'm sure he got taller! He must have....

Germany.

ATTENTION:
I'm living in Germany for the summer :) And I'm so, so excited!



Germany in 5 months.
Graduation in 5 months.
Mission in 10.
An old friend in 4 days (which I just realized I am so nervous for).
Life is happening oh so quickly!

I am thankful.

Today I feel more grateful than ever for the missionary age change for sisters.

As I see friends receive their calls, girls I've grown up with, people I don't even know getting their calls, I am overwhelmed with the spirit. I cry every time I hear someone's beautiful news: "sister_____, you have hereby been called by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to labor in the _________ mission"


And every time I hear of someone's blessings, I can't help but think I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY TURN.... I can't wait for my turn :)

The time is fast approaching, but not fast enough. If everything pans out the way I've got it planned, I'll have my papers in in July (technically June, but I'll be in Germany and I don't want my family and friends to miss that wonderful moment).

I am so incredibly grateful for missions- for the blessings they bring to so many families. This church is true... And I can't wait to share it with those who need it.


Happy thanksgiving! May you remember the things that you have, and be grateful for the moments you've shared with those you love. Eat lots of turkey- I know I will :)

Ps. HE'S HOME!! He's home! I'll see him next week, but HE'S HOME!!

".... I really hope I see you."

Holiday season.

Kiss me under the mistletoe.
While You Were Sleeping.
Midnight walks through the snow.
Fireplaces.
Park City.
Jackets galore.
Hats.
Gloves.
Sweaters.
Boots
Scarves.
Rosy cheeks.
Skiing.
Soup.
Gifts.
Feast upon turkey and ham.
Night of Bethlehem.
Miracle on 31st street.
Carriage ride and lights at Temple Square.
Gospel.
Bows and ribbons.
Christmas music.

But mostly... Just kiss me under the mistletoe you big hunk.


I love this time of year.

A blank canvas

(fu·ture)

something that will exist or happen in time to come: The future is rooted in the past.

WILL.

Whether you're ready or not, the future is going to happen.

It won't wait for you.

It knows you have to follow...

with or without a plan.

But the thing about the future, is it comes so fast you hardly have time to make a plan (a very vague plan, but a plan nonetheless).

It's like a shadow: you've always been able to see it; it's always been there. But not until the sun is setting do you realize the shadow will soon disappear and another will be cast again tomorrow- a new one, one made for another day.

My sun is setting.

My shadow is coming to an end.

It's getting ready to rise on another day.

Where did my "day"go?

...................................

Another thing about the future is that it changes based on your past, your present even.

My future changes daily.

One day I'll be headed off to college at the U.

The next I'm going to UVU and living with my best friend.

Another I'm going to SUU with boys.

And then you have weeks where you don't even plan on going to college.

Instead you decide to live in Germany for the summer. Get a job, learn a language, experience a culture.

And then come home and leave on another 18 month vacation.

yes. my mission.

"Don't cry about it. It's all going to happen"

................

And then you have the topic of boys.

*sigh*

We had a good time.

I over analyse everything.

"It's okay to say you have a weak spot"

"You're vulnerable.. You're lovable"

I may not be a robot, but I feel just about as much as a hunk of metal does.

That's right. They don't have feelings.

It was fun to have a few times out together.

But I see it now, so they'll stay as fun memories.

 

 

 

...You be The Writer and decide the words I say. You be the sculptor and I'll be the clay. 

I am clay in God's hands. He will turn me into something beautiful. I needn't worry. Just try my hardest.

 

 

Clever remarks that aren't okay to actually put on social media.

"Hey! Utah can still break off from the US and become an independent country with Mitt as president! #WhosIn?"

"Looks like we can count on the second coming happening in the next four years.. With Obama as head leader."

"The only reason he was elected was because he's for gay marriage, which I'm not against, but come on. Look at the facts. He sucks."

"You know every anti- Romney follower I have is getting an unfollow. This is a very important issue, and you're just trying to be different. Shut up."


"Yes! I get to pay for everyone that doesn't work to have a house. How lucky am I?!"


"We have great oil wells in America.. Why not use them? Because that would make gas cheap.. We don't want that now do we?"




I hate this day.
Except that I'm going to dinner on Saturday. Whoooooo hooooo!

Elections

Sometimes I wonder if Obama really is for gay marriage and abortion, or if he just took that side because he knew he'd get the people's vote.
I find it incredibly sallow of people if that is their reason for voting him. In this recession, shouldn't money and creating jobs and boosting employment be our biggest concern? I know it's mine. Forget same sex marriage, think about the debt he's put us in.
Mitt is obviously good with money. Get him in office.

There will be tears no matter the outcome tomorrow night. I just hope they're tears of joy, instead of shear terror.

Lets add to the pile titled "future"

College deadlines are December 1. You know what that means! Applications, applications, and more applications!! Yeeees.

But I'm so young I don't even know where I want to go. So. You can see how this causes a huge problem. I plan to apply to lots of schools... And pay lots of money.

On top of all this, I have my biggest life problem to worry about. It's only become more apparent to everyone (even though I really don't think it's something everyone needs to lose their heads about. I'm good, I got this). So my mom has started sending me her personal trainers motivational healthy tips and quotes.
I mean they're really great, and I can see them helping. I just don't know how much will power I have to give up sugar... IT'S EVERYWHERE. And when I turn something down, people always reply "you're seriously on that healthy crap again?" "You're young, you can eat whatever you want" "you're perfect the way you are" "you're eating right?" Can we just accept I don't feel happy, comfortable, or OKAY when I eat like that? Is that bad?? Really, is it? I don't like having to compromise my diet habits to make someone get off my back... For something that's good for me.

Palio. I'm going Palio. I can handle Palio. Please, all I ask is that you support me. Don't give me a hard time when I decline your offer to a donut. Don't ask me to go to Starbucks and get coffee (or coco for me). Just spare me the guilt.


... I'm your little harlet, scarlet. The queen if Coney Island.

Not so mysterious person.

We fight more than sisters.
We disagree more than sisters.
We are completely different, just like sisters.

And I think that is exactly what brings us closer. If I can handle them through Highschool, why couldn't I handle them through college? I think they're prepping me for marriage more than any class, dating, or boys could teach me: pick your battles.


I'll always love them. And they'll always love me, even when I'm the biggest witch in the whole world. Even when I kick them out of my car. And even when I speak my mind.... Especially when I shouldn't.

We're sisters. Not just best friends. They'll be with me in the eternities.

Here's to my over- bearing, annoying, obnoxious, hilarious, beautiful, and totally unique best friends.



... Trying to live a healthy lifestyle only brings up suspicion and concern. Geez, people.

Assuming makes an ass out of u and me.

It's a bummer that people judge me based on my past.

Always in trouble.

Goal: no more name dropping, limited pictures, and vagueness in all things.




Or better yet. Write in that cute journal sitting by your bed.

"I am not bulimic. I am a bulimist. I LOVE bulimia!"

Birthday.
Dinner.
Drives.
Perks.
Love.

Infinite.

Because I swear in that moment... I knew that we. were. infinite.


I finally found the perfect word to describe those moments I never could before.


I feel inspired and uplifted. Like finally! Something pinpointed exactly how I feel.


Exactly.

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to.

I'll be eighteen in 48 minutes. Eighteen is a big birthday! It's the age where everything becomes legal. Like. It's a big deal. I've been waiting for years for this day. And I'll I want is to go out with my 6 friends and eat expensive food, which is what I have planned. Except we have problems. One- none of my boys have said yes...

(can I just rant about how much I hate that? It takes every ounce of courage in my heart to get myself to ask those boys to do anything with me and its times like these that make me hate it. I feel embarrassed and silly and annoying. It's my birthday. You're the only people I want to surround myself with. Is it really that hard to reply to my text! Or sound excited when I ask you face to face? Apparently it is. Pretend you love me like I love you for one day. It would mean the world to me).

And two- my best friend got scheduled to work right in the middle of our reservation. Okay. I'm sorry. It's my birthday and I'm spending a lot of money on you. Could you not have told them that you have a prior commitment? They can't expect you to just drop everything and come in to work. Like no.

I'm thinking I might just tell the boys to forget it and just take my girls out. Less stress. But... Not as fun. I want them there :( I even made the reservation one person more just in case I felt the need to invite a certain someone (my mom says its not a good idea, and I agree. But I feel so bad when he's not included. And who cares? We don't even have to speak. This IS the first year in three years I haven't spent a birthday with him).

I'm spoiled and rude. I know. But seriously. It's been a long and emotional week. I need this.

I can hear my parents putting presents out upstairs. How exciting!

Me. Caveman

Tonight was mr. Caveman!! It's a pageant the boys from the school compete in for scholarship money. They do everything any girl would do in a normal pageant.

Their talents were AMAZING! Anyone if those boys could have won and they would have deserved it. Like honestly. AF boys are where it's at!

I got the chance to be partnered with one of my best friends, Taylor! He was also the winner of the pageant! Whoo hoo Taylor! He was so great out there and looked smashing! I was lucky to be his partner :)

Afterward, we went to chilis. We cuddled and snuggled in Appa (Dylans van), got pulled over, and made memories to last a lifetime.

I'm so blessed to be surrounded by such fantastic examples. Even in school related things I'm always with the best of boys. Incredible.

A huge thanks to everyone who helped, came, supported, and participated. This wouldn't have worked without you!



"You only have 7 more months". Lets get this show on the road.


Mwah.

disconnect

One day, long ago, everything was a certain way.

Those things changed.

When those things changed, so did my heart.

I can't find the ability to love, or to care.

I just can't.

I've honestly tried with everything that I am to like someone, just to get one butterfly.

But I can't.

A boy will come along, all will be fun and flirty, but the second he asks me out....

It's gone.

All desire to even be in the same room as him.

I want to be anywhere but there at that moment.

I only want to be with 6 people.

(sometimes 7)

Ever.

What. is wrong?

It's been stolen. And I don't find myself getting it back anytime soon.

So let me continue to love only me.

And one day, when I can love (or even crush on) someone again...

I'll let you know.

SIDENOTE.

Yesterday was Sadie Hawkins.

I had a good time.

Really. I did.

But I'm sad to say nothing is going to compare to Homecoming.

Also.

I have found the type of people I fit in with the best.

I will always be drawn to those people.

And when I am put in situations with others, I will find myself wishing I was with the others.

Every time.

It was embarrassing.

One Last Thing.

I turn 18 this Friday.

Friday.

Can you believe it?

I sure can't...

And I'll be spending it with the two people I love the most in this world.

Because the other 4 will be at a party.

I know. I wish they were going to be with me, too.

Presidential Debates

This is such a crucial year for me in many ways. One of those ways is that this is the year I can vote. These debates have never been so important than they are now.

I will admit that I am a hard core Mitt Romney fan. I feel like, because we come from the same religion, I know what an honest person he is. He has The Lord on his side... I have a lot of confidence in him because of that. I also LOVE that he is all about recovering America. He is very positive when it comes to our countries current situation; "a bright and positive future" as he just stated.

The only problem I have with this whole debate thing is that I never know who is actually telling the truth. I don't ever know which facts are right, and which ones are inflating lies. My mom says Obama has lied almost every time he's opened his mouth, but I hate that people are going to believe him!! And I hate seeing so many people bag on Romney. If I could get the chance to sit and talk to the two of them, I would ask the simplest questions ever. Because then I think we would see how simple this whole thing truly is. And plus I don't really understand everything they say.

I just pray Obama doesn't get out back into office.

it's hidden in the tiny corners of my heart && i'm not even sure how to get there.

i am
complicated
detailed
deep.
i find myself wanting nothing more than to go to an arts school, where i can be surrounded by people just like me- people who feel the most.. okay.. when they're surrounded by beautiful things that make them think through feeling; people who can create what they feel, and make others feel it, as well.

but when i step outside of my head, (the only place i'm truly okay with myself. the only place i can talk myself into feeling perfect just the way i am. the only place where only "I" exist and everything i do is amazing. the only place that is not in the world.) i realize that there are so many people around me that do what i WISH i could do so much better than me; they have such a better shot at my future than i do.
writing.
drawing.
painting.
speaking.
creating.
picturesque.
i'm only an ameture when it comes to these things. but is it so bad that this is ALL i ever want to do? even if i'm not the best at any of them? can't i go just to learn and develop talents (that i may or may not have)? can't i just be given a chance?

chloe: keep being exactly who you are. if you must continue to shape yourself to fit other peoples molds, keep doing it. do it until you find someone who fits your mold perfectly and flawlessly. because one day you'll find the ability to love and care, and someone WILL come along- someone who understands everything in your heart.

see. not even i can put my own head and heart into words.



"... i'll lay on the ground like this *acts like an alligator*."

Text messaging past

My sister had a phone tragedy today I had to pull out my phone from 9th grade. This meant "My Love" and Evan Scott.. The boy who comes home from his mission in a month and a half (ill try and contain my excitement!!!).

I only got the chance to read a few of the messages between "my love" and I, but I did get to relive one of the countless nights spent holding hands. I guess he was kneeling the whole time.. ?? I just thanked him for making me feel so safe, despite any pain it may have put him through.

The feeling of compete innocence and selfless love filled my memory when I read these.... It's so WEIRD to think I even had a boyfriend two years ago- and that our relationship was ever like that. To be honest, I don't even remember what it feels like to belong to someone. Or how to be cute like that. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to be so vulnerable again.

Any who. It's weird remembering things like that and feeling so OKAY about it.

Laughing and running naked

Driving through the city, listening to music, sitting close to quality people, snuggled in a blanket.

Today was one of those days ill look back on in 5 years and say "remember that one day we napped on my floor, listened to Mumford, dyed my hair, wrestled, snuggled, drove for hours, and had no cares in the world? Remember how everything felt so easy?" I've had quite a few of those over the months.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I honestly love my friends. You know they love you when they don't care if you don't wear makeup, or put totally unattractive sweats on, and stuff your face with everything in the house. When you can sit on them for throwing pillows at your head, flirt with no strings attached, wrestle like brothers and sisters. It's a blessing to be so comfortable with these people.

/I have dark hair!! The best part is, my parents are totes out of town, so I definitely bought boxed hair dye and did my huuuuur :D I love it! I love being spontaneous!


... I'm sorry you're missing out on all our fun times. I really am. I wish you were with us.

Blogging in the drivers seat of my jeep.

I always sit and just think after I get done driving. It's the only peace and quiet I get. It's my happy place.

I went on a run today.

I always find myself in the most amazing moments in time.

I found myself in one today on my run along Heritage Park trail in Cedar Hills.
:
As I was running, I was feeling invigorated; I was listening to Mumford & Sons, and I was feeling amazing. As we turned the corner, there we were running through arches of yellow trees, on yellow ground.
It was magnificent.
I know a higher power exists through moments like those. How could something so beautiful exist without a creator?
Right in that moment, I knew (upon already knowing) that everything I have been taught from the gospel... Is TRUE. I always have those powerful feelings when I'm in nature- it SHOWS me the love my Father in Heaven has for me.


.... And she got ready to paint, carve, cut, and glitter those pumpkins.
Here's to Fall Break 2012!

Kinda.

I like to think I'm kinda cool.
Kinda pretty [sometimes].
Kinda fun.
Kinda wanted.
Kinda unique.



Kinda.

Learn my heart, learn it right.

Don't judge a book by its cover.



The books I judge are the old, tattered, barley-holding-themselves-together books. You're getting a picture, aren't you? I believe they hold more secrets, information; more emotion and love.

By looking at their covers, I see mystery... And I have every desire to open its pages and tear through the knowledge its bound to hold.

I believe these books have character. More character than those tightly, newly bound books you see every day. These books have seen the dawn of ages; they know wisdom in a way those new books do not.

Through figurative speech, does this not show the kind of people I desire to know? Does it not show that I want to get to know the ones with the roughest, most faded, torn up covers- and to read everyone of those pages? I'm bound to love it... If not what's inside, then the feeling it gives me when I read them, for sure. Because I love the mystery they hold...



Always judge the book by its cover, but judge it righteously.




.... The wonders I see in my head don't translate well to my small, beating heart. I don't understand. AND I LOVE NOT UNDERSTANDING.

The carnal mind

We've learned it in church, we've been battling it our whole lives, and will continue to do just that: to overcome the carnal mind. The human desires- laziness, lust, jealousy, zeal; the human mind.

If there is one thing I've learned this year, it would be that my biggest enemy is myself. I'm my harshest critique, my own reason for failure, and I can talk myself out of every productive thing.

I'm sure everyone knows I've had a terrible issue with my weight over the months; being 100 lbs. one week, and 125 lbs. a few weeks later. It was devastating. And gaining back my weight was terrible for me- how could you have missed that?

But now I have another issue- controlling how MUCH I eat. I always eat healthy. But it's my snacking that gets me in trouble. That's what makes me feel guilty beyond measure.

I can so honestly admit to having an eating disorder. Not like anorexia or bulimia, but an obsession/guilt with exercising, healthy eating, and missing a workout. Every single day I battle this. Sometimes I feel like this is worse than any other disorder. Why? Because I'm never comfortable in my own skin. Because I become so obsessed with outward appearance. Because I never have a thought that isn't intruded upon by weight.

I do crossfit before practice, I go to practice at 6 every day, I run, I do personal workouts.. I do everything, and yet I'm still unhappy with my self image. Look what this terrible world has done to beautiful young women.

I'm sorry for everyone that deals with this same issue. I think you're beautiful :)

I attract stress like pigs attract flies

I started working for reals this week. The store opens Saturday, VIP night tomorrow night. I can't figure out my online stuff, I'm scheduled to work every day I can't, I'm working every weekend for the next month (including Sundays, which is my day to chill and relax). I have to drive 20 minutes just to get there, and I don't even get to wear cute clothes.
To make this better, it all falls right when I'm making new friends- right when boys are happening in my life... Right when they want me around. I'm scared to say no, cause I'm scared they won't ask again.
And to make it even better! My finger is confusing me beyond measure. This reminds me why I hate liking boys. That was one convenient part to having a boyfriend...

I don't know. I feel like.. This is Highschool. I should be having fun and doing it often. Not driving to sandy every weekend and missing games. Blah. Time to find a new job.

But imma do it anyway

I try and make my words sound beautiful and inspiring, but they never seem to come out with the right fluidity. So throw that out the window and just read because its a really cute love (like) story.


He made a list of things he'd do for me/ things we'd do together.
Catch frogs
Watch the Avengers
Eat crawfish
Go fishing (check!)
Today when I saw him, he said he was bringing me crawfish from the trip he was taking that afternoon (yes! Something to get me through my long day at work).
Even when he texted me and said he had no luck in catching some, my spirits were not dampened.
I don't want to tell the story, I want the words to
"I think that would put a big smile on my face"
"No ma'am. I want to do it just for you."
They seem so insignificant, but he's making my heart flutter.. Something that hasn't happened in months. And I'm putting a smile on someone's face again :) that's the best part- that I can have that affect on someone.

I don't have anyone to tell these things to because I'm too busy playing doctor and never get the chance to play the patient. So my blog and my journal get it.

Light my world by moonlight.

To be wanted is the greatest human emotion.
We braided my blonde locks, we cuddled cozily on the couch, we ate breakfast, we laughed, and we even cheered when certain steps were made on a relationship (mine). We were friends, in the complete literal sense of the word: comfortable, friendly, flirty, rude, but always kind; lightly teasing and nagging is our favorite game to play.
Nobody understands the blessing they have been in my life. I waited in compete misery for months and months, waiting for something like this to happen for me. It's happened, and I couldn't love it more. I enjoy the simplicity of things (they know nothing romantic will ever happen, and we know the same).

Some relationships aren't so easy going. Some are fun, and flirty, but more forced (maybe that's because they don't know each other well). This one was spent at the pond, fishing, kissing.. Ducks, and the hopeful development of something. Maybe. It was spent through the sunlight, the sunset, the dusk, and the dark, brightened by the moonlight. She was bundled in her sweater, and his jacket. They talked, they laughed, they teased, they had sentimental moments. Nothing exciting, just something missed.

The closeness of another human being is always welcome. Even by that exotic human being. Especially.

Mumford and Sons came out today and I'm loving it. They describe brilliance. They ARE brilliance.

So I know it's real

Tell me you read my blog so I know it's real.
Go running with me so I know it's real.
Stay up real late with me so I know it's real.


"Talk to me so I know it's real" Hahahah. Shoot. I should have just called you.

One fall night..

Friends
Laughing
Giggling
Flirting
Music- making
Singing
Playing
Fires
S'mores
Roasting
Sweater- wearing
Talking
Getting to know you
Pairing off
Watching
Gazing
Loving
Hoping
Cuddling
Wishing
Happy
Memory- making
Teaching
Eating

I honestly adorable this time of year. I adore the clothes, the activities, but most of all.. I love the friends I share the moments with.

here's to the fall of twenty- twelve.


... And she felt all that was right with the world.

Becoming responsible

Life just got scary. I'm a grown up now. I have to deal with work, with people I may not like, and a strict lifestyle I've never had to deal with. I'm entering into a world where time isn't mine to spend. I have to give up my weekends, possibly time for friendships, to work for other people.

I'm scared out of my mind.

I'm not ready to be grown up. This is Highschool. I want to live in it and be carefree, reckless, and stupid.

Here's to the week ahead...

Homecoming- one I won't be quick to forget

Just real quick, cause I'm real tired and I wanna sleep, I'm gonna tell you about homecoming.
-he picks me up, says: you look very nice, takes me to thanksgiving point, makes a flower with me, talks and asks questions, super cute :)
-takes me to lunch, gives me whatever I could possibly want, spills on himself, let's me sit in his chair, stands and eats his ice cream, talks to me some more, super cute :)
- picks me up, says: wow! You look incredible (in front of my father), takes a ton of awkward pictures, such a good sport, opens my door to his mustang, compliments me some more, super cute :)
- dinner was good, awkward in a comfortable way, delicious food, beautiful pictures, cake, embarrassing moments, so much food, pulls my chair out for me every time, funny, laughing, free-spirited :)
-the dance: lights, trees, lanterns, great DJ, dancing for the first time at a dance without feeling awkward, mosh pit, dirty feet, ripped dress, him, and him, no feelings, completely free, lovely slow dances, music, confessions, sentimental moments, giggling, hugs, professional 7th grade social dance skills, friends, comfortable, escort; so sweet, so fun, unforgettable :)
-clean up, confident, compliments, broken car, well- handled emotion, sitting close, he gave me his blazer, drinks, talking, joking, seeing a normal side of him, driving on the wrong side of the road, speed demon, slurpees, night skies, wasted time, doorstep scene, no disappointment, curfew, brownie points, hugs, "thank you"s, things to look forward to; content, happy, new side, smiles :)


I'm glad he asked me- I had a great time :) to have some nearly-stranger guy ask you to a dance is slightly nerve-wracking, yet flattering; I didn't feel nervous, embarrassed, or weird. It was a perfect confidence booster. I loved hearing someone say they thought I was beautiful, and to hear it often. He's such a gentleman, something i missed out on.
It couldn't have been a more perfect night :) :)

Dancing under the moonlit sky, she felt... Harmonious :)

Contentment: it's been a whirlwind, but I've come out on top.

[[Over the last several months, I've come to know, understand, and love the word "contentment". I thought I knew what that was, but not until I felt it alone- on my own- did I truly appreciate it.]]

I made the decision to quit Drill Team on Monday. I was filled with anger, frustration, uncertainty, and angst. My wonderful, loving, and... Incredible coach didn't have anything bad to say to the two of us. Not even when her two third years came to quit did she lose her cool. She said she loved us, and still would no matter our decision. (she's sneaky, very sneaky. She's very very good at using her words. I secretly think she knew she'd win us over).

I was so SURE I was going to quit- be done forever. I was ready to throw it all away and step outside, all alone into the world of Highschool and independency. But. I just felt... OFF. Like I thought I knew my prayers had been answered, but really, I was just lying to myself.

After tonight, after performing and supporting dance co, I saw that I could NEVER give that up. Not until I finished out the year right.

It's going to be hard. I know I'm going to wish I had quit many times throughout the year, but it'll be worth it. There's a reason I feel at peace with this decision versus my decision to quit. It's because this is RIGHT. I'm a Cavette. Plain and simple. Always will be.

Believe it, achieve it, Cavettes!

I understand

Often times we don't see the reasoning for our trials and hard times until months and months down the road. Now that I'm calm, I'm over it, and someone knew, I can see with clarity what that taught me. Not only did I find out what it did for me, but also what it did to whoever became involved, as well. I get it.


I get it now.
He's there to help. Because he's like that, he has the ability to do that, to change lives.
She needed it.
I get it now.
No hard feelings.
Just happiness that she found someone so great.
Everyone deserves a someone like that.
Now on to others.
Prepare yourself... A difference will be made.

Congrats. Honestly, I'm so glad you were the ones to find each other.


Now, if only my life could decide to find me a someone in this desperate time of need... Hmmmmm. Where do I sign up?

Let me go on about nerdy things: Our education system

Today in English, we discussed a blog post. In this blog post, there was a very concerned mother of a 12 year old boy who refused to do his homework. They had tried everything; taking away phones, no friends, no parties, no video games. Everything any normal young boy would go nuts over.

They continued to let us all in on the way this young boy was. He was very artistic and could draw just about anything. He could listen to any song on the radio and pick up his sax and play it. If his sax wasn't handy, he could play it on another instrument. He could remember just about any piece of information he wanted to. So why wasn't he doing well in school?

Turns out, their son just didn't learn the same way other kids did. He is obviously brilliant and he sees that the things schools do is just pointless busy work that will get him nowhere in life. And boy do I agree with that.

From the moment we can speak, we're taught how to learn. We're taught grammar, math, linguistics, and how to think. But have you ever thought that maybe the way we are taught to do those things is completely wrong? I have.

I like to think of myself as a pretty smart person. I work hard, I try my hardest, I don't turn things in late, I actually have common sense, and yet my grades aren't showing as A's on my report card. Wait... So here I am not BSing any of my work, getting a C, but the kid next to me can sleep his way through school, not show up to class, take the test, and get the same grade as me? I'm sorry, but isn't that a little backwards?

I understand that school is meant to test us on our knowledge and how well we can retain that knowledge, but don't you think it should be based on more than just test scores? I'm not dumb, but I'm not good at school. Actually, I'm probably more logically smart that most people you know. But because schools are not taught to teach us how to think logically, or the in most sensible way, I'm falling up short.

I don't agree with the idea that our math, history, English, and language classes get put so above everything else. Everything artsy, or anything meant to use our creative juices, is tossed under the bus. Personally, I feel like those art classes do more for kids than math ever will. In these classes, kids are taught to think for themselves, use their imagination, use trial and error to find what works best. They get to express themselves in their own individual ways- ways that schooling takes away from us.

I can honestly say that school is 85% busy work. It is just pointless things put in place to fill the class with enough "fluff" to last until the semester (or school year/ term/ quarter) ends. My personal opinion is: teach us what we need to know, and don't puff it up to take a certain amount of time. Don't rush us to learn certain objectives- some minds don't think like that. Schools need to be teaching us how to deal with real world problems and how to handle them. We need to know what to expect in college. Did you know last year was the first time I ever wrote a thesis statement? Well shoot, now I'm put into an AP class where all we do is write thesis statement based essays... and I'm extremely out of practice. We should have been taught how to do this much, much earlier.

We shouldn't just be rushed through school. We shouldn't be tested on every little bit of information possible, because guess what? We won't use a good majority of what we learn in school. Teach us valuable, applicable situations, ones that I can't take and apply when I'm out of high school and in the real world.

I truly believe kids will be more willing to go and LEARN when they have to opportunity to do it on their own- when they are the ones who choose to go because they are interested in the facts. I think kids do love school, I think they hate the testing, the grades, and the mandatory requirements we're asked to meet. Don't test me on what happen in 1350, who did it, why it happened, and then ask me to write about it. Teach it to me because I'm interested in knowing. I'm not interested in being tested on a minuscule date in history. I want to know the affects of what happened; I want to apply that to my life.



Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I really see a huge problem with the way schools do things. I think you'd be surprised by how much you agree...



Have lovely day! And don't forget... everything happens for a reason. Run with it.
Chloe

I'm not a quitter, but a believer in better opportunity.

The decisions I'm even facing are ones I never thought I would. I don't know which is right, I don't know if it'll be hard or easy, and I don't know how it's going to affect relationships with friends.

I'm a true believer in fasting, prayer, and temple attendance. It's never let me down before, and I don't expect it to, tomorrow.

Nothing worth working for is easy. But is it worth it...?




... And she said goodbye to the last string holding her to the past two years *goodbye*

9/15/12

Would you consider me desperate if I admitted I've been looking for dresses for about a month already? No? Okay good. Because I already have my dress and he asked me two nights ago. ... :/

I won't post a picture because that will officially ruin my look, but I have got to describe the ensemble... Because its so incredible.

The dress: it's black, with a sort of multi-colored floral pattern. The front has an open chest, a deeper cut sweetheart neck line, and pulls to a ruche on the left side, right under the bodice. The back is also open, symmetric to the front. The dress is cap-sleeved, and hits at my knee. So minus the low cut neck and the open back, it's basically modest :)

The hair: divide hair into three sections, horizontally. Pull top section into a poof, French braid the second sections back, pull the bottom into a pony. Make each of the tree ponies into two buns. Outcome: six little buns that will make a Mohawk sort of style. Sleek, but edgy; classy, but different.


The shoes: royal blue suede pumps that button at the side with a wave- shaped strap. About 5 inches. Incredible.

The accessories: a gold cuff, with a black bird printed on the top. Gold and silver cone earrings, connected to several individual chains. They hit almost the top of my shoulder (I'm not totally sold on these. I'm not a huge fan of dangly earrings with up-dos).

So basically.., I'm so excited :) even my best friend said he thinks I'll look seriously gorgeous, which is a major compliment, coming from him.


Now I just gotta answer him, plan our outfits together... And talk to him.. :)





Can you tell I'm taking my fashion merchandising classes seriously? Look at that fabulous use of vocab! Just let me pay myself on the back :)



Have a lovely fourth of September :)

Cloud 9.

Oh hey :)

Mr. Charming/ Mr. Stranger asked me :)

It fine :)


I'm still dying over how cute it was :)


So I'm sitting in my room watching gossip girl when my mom and sisters come in with a vase of a dozen roses, a lit candle, and a card. The biggest smile came across my face.. The biggest smile :) the truest smile :)


I look the envelope, and inside is a card with Alex on it :) (see pictures for what the card said) I open it up, and Never Say Never started playing... How could I resist?? It was so sweet :)


Tay called right after, and boy do I owe him big time. Seriously, I'm forever indebted to him for this :) the fact that he even got him to consider asking me is talent enough. We've never spoken! I'm not complaining, though :)


I'm so excited.. You don't even know. And I'm so okay with the fact that I don't know him; Carpe diem :)




Life is goooood.