In alphabetical order: T

I think the best thing about me is my sense of thrifting: taking old things and making them happy and beautiful again. And who doesn't love a good bargain? 

There's something in the way mixed patterns and non matching furniture and mismatched things speak to me. I love a good "that doesn't go together" because it actually does. It's called art. And if you like the way it looks, then it looks good. 

Find happiness in awkward setups and black with brown and maybe some navy blue. There are so many rules to "fashion" and "decor"... But things look better when you break them ;) 

I dare you. 

Come find me

xx

A year ago today

A year ago today... 

I was at a flag football game. We called ourselves the "team moms"- we brought oranges and apples and juice boxes for half time. We cheered them on and we froze our behinds off. We cuddled in blankets and they gave us those genuine kinds of hugs. 

Was that really only a year ago? My goodness how time passes. One day you're cheering on your very best boys, and the next... 

You're cheering them on from thousands of miles away through emails and letters embellished with love and adoration, stamps and envelopes. 

This is to my best friends: 

I love you. 

xx

I'm allowing myself this time

I so respect those who are honest and straight up with me. Where they're true to who they are, and respect who I am. We can be two completely different souls, but there's still a mutual respect. 

I love people who love people despite what they believe in. 

It's so different this time, and I think that's why it's okay to like it. 

I want yellow sunflowers

I want yellow sunflowers and brick walls. White interiors and big windows. I want rain, and lots of it. I want views that make you stand in awe for hours. Specks of color and white comfy couches. I want to walk around in leggings, big slouchy sweaters and my hair in a braid. Mountains or hills, as long as they're green and lush. I want cool temperatures and rain puddles. I want a swing to sit next to you on, our knees touching and our hands intertwined. Big steaming cups of hot chocolate to hold with my hands with the sleeves creeping into my palms. I want book shelves. So many we have a room for them. And I want a white fire place. I want a wrap around porch to watch the rain fall. 

But most of all?

 I want yellow sunflowers. 

xx

800, 799, 798, 797...

It was fall break 2012. My family was on vacation, and I was left here to work. My mom said I wasn't allowed boys over, but of course I did it anyway. 

The day was spent listening to Mumford & Sons new album Babel, singing, cuddling, watching The Best Two Years, eating fudge and abnormally cheesy quesadillas. It was Friday Night Fight Night and the girls kicked the boys butts, even if they won't ever admit it. There was a broken toe, close encounters, and I was dying my hair in the bathroom. 

Three boys, three girls, and absolutely the best of friends. 

I remember sitting on the couch, listening to the boys sing and harmonize and thinking, does it get better than this? The orange trees, the crisp air, and three strapping young men laying on my floor singing? It can't. There's no way. But lucky for me, it did; it got better. Somehow they always made the next adventure better than the first. 

I remembered that today while I was running. We're coming up to that time of year in a few short weeks... Has it really been a year? Has that much changed? Are they really gone? 

When I can press "play" again in two years, we can pick up where we left off and play this growing up game together. Together in a way that wasnt possible before they left. 

I miss my big brothers. 

Because "healthy" doesn't cut it

Everyone tells me to chill out and have some cake. Live a little! Drink a soda once and a while. You're not going to explode if you have a few sweets. You're young! Enjoy it while you can! (Sounds like the modern day 'eat, drink, and be merry' if you ask me)

"We don't eat food anymore. We are eating food-like products." We are now eating foods that have been modified to have a longer shelf life and to give the human body a "high". Food is now made to look better, to smell better, and to taste better. 

But. 

It doesn't actually taste better. Your brain only THINKS it tastes good because the chemicals added to these foods are addictive. And very dangerous to the human body. 

In "Hungry for Change", a documentary on Netflix (one I recommend everyone go watch), they gave an interesting statistic regarding the fructose (extracted sugar from corn) we take in EACH DAY!:

1900's: the average person had 15g of fructose 

Present: the average person takes in 70-80g of fructose! EACH DAY!

And in some cases, primarily in teenagers, 120-150g are being added to our diets every day. 

Can you believe that?! Our sugar intake is literally 10X what it was a century ago. The following analogy was made between jet fuel and high fructose corn syrup: If you were to pour jet fuel into your cars engine, it would ruin your engine. That is exactly what this high fructose corn syrup does with our bodies. Jet fuel isn't meant for a car engine..

Problem: 

High fructose corn syrup is in almost anything you can buy; soda, "100% real fruit juice", salad dressing, bread, pizza sauce. Everything. Avoid the "isolates" and especially the high fructose corn syrup. Stay away from anything that is unnatural in the sense that it came partially from a plant, not wholly from the plant, which is how it was meant to be used. 

Another interesting tidbit of information I found alarming/ good to know, is what labels like "1/3 less fat" or "fat free" mean. When a container has a label like that, it usually means its loaded with sugar- more than usual. So it may not contain fat, but it has so much sugar in it that your body is going to store that sugar in your fat reserves for later, but there is no later; it's just stored as fat. No fat= more sugar= more fat. It's an oxymoron. 

The 0 calorie label also does something similar, but instead what it's lacking in calories, you make up for (and then some) in your craving of carbs. Interesting how that works, isn't it? Gotta love the food industry! The fluffy carbs you eat are almost immediately translated into sugar once you eat it. You may not be eating the crystallized sugar, but you are eating sugar. 

So how do you get rid of all this sugar? Get rid of the breads, pasta, pancakes, cereal, waffles, basically anything you eat for breakfast and go natural. Grab an apple, an orange, have a grapefruit (but don't add that sugar substitute, it's not saving your sugar intake, it's only going to add fat. Try salting it. Or better yet, tough out the sour). 

Per year/ per person:

79lbs of HFCS (high fructose corn syrup) 

150lbs of sugar 

22 tablespoons/day X 365 days

That's just gross. And there's nothing moderate about it. The more sugar we intake, the more prone to disease we become. Sugar is a drug just like alcohol is, just like cigarettes, and just like cocaine. 

We can't avoid sugar. We just can't. So instead of cutting all of this sugar out, add in the healthy stuff. Cut out some of the sugar and the processed food, but the most important thing is to ADD IN. pretty soon the good will out weigh the bad. 

So. When I'm offered a candy bar or a cinnamon roll, there's a reason I'm so hesitant. Not only is it clearly not good for me, but it also has a lot of hidden side effects that I don't even want to think about. 

Seriously. Go watch Hungry for Change. It's amazing. And a lot more uplifting towards the end ;) 

Thanks for listening to my rantings 

Chloe

xx

I won't be the boiling frog

Do you remember a time when you vowed you wouldn't fall? When you promised yourself you wouldn't be vulnerable because you knew what it was like? Do you remember a time like that? 

The great thing about here, on this blog, is everything written has a double meaning. Sure, it may be talking of the latest pet, the latest young man, or the latest upset. But it's also always talking of the past pets, the last young men, and the previous upsets. It's also talking of more than just those parallels. There are so many people in my life that can fit the way I write, to assume its straight about one person would be a huge mistake. Because it never is. 

Just... Don't forget that one time you said you wouldn't fall. It always ends the same way- unimportant, another past, previous, and another last. 

It's not fun feeling like that foolish girl you're afraid people think you are. And to know people actually think that way?- what a way to destroy trust even more. 

So here's another vow: to not falling, to not burning bridges, to not trusting the depths of myself to another person. Here's to being a clam. 

Chloe 

xx

So she gazed..

It was 4:30am and I had this thought to go outside. 

So I did. 

The magestic sky that I was greeted by was unimaginable. It's clearness, the wonder, the beauty tugged at me to lay beneath them at just gaze. 

So I did. 

The stars twinkled. They made shapes, and they drew lines. They had milky hazes, which reminded me how far away, how perfectly tiny I was. Here are millions of stars viewable from my trampoline at 4:30, and how I ever thought that I was so important, so big, will never be known to me. There is so much more than me. 

And then, against the black sky and the twinkling planets, I saw one; a small streak in the sky, a fleeting wish. A wish too small and scary to let ourselves wish for for more than those split seconds. 

That's right. I saw a shooting star. 

I've seen a handful of those in my time, but every time I see one, I still gasp and mutter a surprised "oh wow!". 

We live on a beautiful planet. Amongst the dirt, the turmoil, and twisted beings called humans, there is beauty. There isn't chaos in the sky. We can still look UP and realize that we are watched over. The same hands that created those twinkling stars, created my blonde hair and blue eyes, my capable hands and my wondering mind. 

What an amazing Creator. 

... To know the mysteries of god... My turn will come. 

I think this is just what I needed to see. 

Welcome to my nightmare.

I'm in a bad place. 

Again. 

It's the place I beat myself up about being perfect. Where I have to have a flat stomach and perfectly toned legs. 

It's all really silly when you think about how unimportant and selfish it is to think like that... 

Especially while serving a mission. 

Everyone says you'll gain; it's inevitable. But I know that if I do, I will not be able to focus on the work. I won't be able to serve the way I want to. 

I pled to my Heavenly Father that I not be placed in situations that would have me eating a way I don't want to. I prayed I would have companions who would understand... Maybe even share the desire to stay lean. 

I think it's the fear of what others would think if I were to come home heavier. My mom said it melts off once your home and back in normal routine, but it still scares me. I can't put on a pencil skirt and see a tummy- I can't. I'll go into a sick-to-my-stomach frenzy and it's all I'll think about. 

I've lived in Germany. I know how to eat healthy. I know how to avoid the chocolate and the bread. I know what to snack on and I know the members will feed me. So I need to learn to control my portions again. I need to learn to be assertive when telling someone I've had enough. And I have to do a morning routine- I have to. 

Welcome to my head where so very easily I fall into insecurity. If I could trade this sickness, I would. I would do anything for a high metabolism, or even better, to not care. I would. 

Here's to Germany; lots of walking, public transport, bread, cheese, and sweets. 

Here's to countless prayers to come. 

Chloe 

xx

Reading Between the Lines

It's a feeling only comparable to what would be described as smooth. You're emotions glide easily together, there's that constant happy smile playing on your lips. It's the creases you get in the corner of your eyes- your happy lines.

It's the small lump at the back of your throat, the smell of familiarity, and it's even the knowledge that what you've wished for won't happen.

It's knowing your content with life, even when you're giving up on the "what if"'s; you're falling into the unknown, knowing there may never be another "hello" again.
But the glass is half full, because it's always better that way. Because who knows? "What If"?

It's coming home to compliments, to good conversation, and inside jokes. It's hoping that maybe this isn't one sided- that maybe insecurities exist on both sides. To talk of happy thoughts and remembering.

The smile is still there.



"My wish for Chloe is..."

To keep the dreams

It's my dreams that keep it alive; keep it real, keep me holding on. 

In my dreams, it's always two. It's always funny places, but it's always me and you. 

No one knows the truth, but maybe that's what keeps the dreams. 

Because in my dreams, it's okay that there's a split, an unknowing, and no resolve. 

At least I've got the dreams... To keep real life from happening. 

But even in real life, you're the only dream I'm seeing. 

Among the nightmares, a little peace is nice to see, even when I'm sleeping. 

So keep the dreams coming, for I leave in no time flat. And the dreams are really all I'll have, to remind me why I'm dreaming. 

Dream big everyone 

xx

Honeymoon Planning

I've always wanted to travel the world with my husband. While being here in Germany and surrounding countries, I've found some of the places I'm visiting on our honeymoon: 

Strasbourg, France- the river, the shops, and we're staying in an old hotel by the cathedral 

Schwarzwald in Trieberg- go to the waterfall to find my name that I carved in the bridge and to shop in the Flohmarkt along the main street. We'll find old things and decorate our newly wed house with our treasures. 

Luxembourg- the old towns in the lower city. An old flat, pretty trimming, and beautiful windows; you and I.

Austria- everywhere. Zell am See particularly and the old town that surrounds it. Perhaps the Grand Hotel. We'll have a marriage ceremony on top of Grossglockner in the green hills. Me in a white dress and a top hat. He's wearing a gray suit, perhaps khaki, white daisies in hand and on the lapel. 

Rüdesheim- dancing. At night, lights twinkling, on Drosselgasse street in a cafe filled with old couples: we'll mix in because we'll both have old souls. We'll take the cable car up the vineyard hills and go on the Romantic boat tour along the Rhein river. We'll sip lemon water while everyone else sips wine. 

My aunt told me about a couple that got married in every new place they visited- that ended up being about 100 different times. After getting married in the temple, I would like to get married civilly in as many places as possible. What cooler way to make places even more special for you and your hubby?

Marry me. 

Chloe

xx

Realizing Austria

The final two of my very best friends have gone into the mission field. 

It was a bit of a different feeling than the first time two weeks ago. Maybe it was because I didn't get a final Skype goodbye, or maybe it was the sweet "I love you" I got. We said it all the time, but for some reason, this time, the personalized message, made it so different. For the first time, I didn't want my missionaries to leave. I wanted to be selfish and ask them to stay; to give me one final hug. 

As I was hiking Schmittenhöhe, a peak in Austria, I was over looking the view and thinking how much my heart has grown for the people I know. Like the Grinch, it was as if I could feel my heart growing in size. It could have been the lack of seeing these people, but I felt so.. Personally attached. I felt loved, and I felt missed, and I felt thought- of. 

Because I know that I, little simple, plain, Chloe, am loved by these people. 

It's an amazing feeling to love a person, to say that you love them, and to know that they know. That it isn't taken in a way that would be mistaken as "in love". I am extremely fortunate to have 4 people I would give my life for in one second. And that they would do the same. 

They make this small knot in time, this time on earth, worth every trial, heartache, and confusion. They make the eternities more beautiful because they'll be in it and I was fortunate to know them before then. 

I'm surrounded by beauty here, and it's special I got to leave something so important to me here while I go. So many moments, so many feelings. I can't wait to come back and experience it all again, in a different way. Hopefully with the man I love. 

... I've only thought of "doors" here in Austria. 

Chloe 

xx

Here's to you, my two final (almost. I've got a special missionary to send off in two weeks now) missionaries. Until we meet again. 

Not All That Wander are Lost

Talking with people makes you realize how grateful you are for the things you have and the things you've been through. We often complain about the things we go through, but if we were to throw our problems in a big pile amongst others problems, we would take ours right back... because someone always has it worse.

I guess all I want to say is that I'm grateful. I'm grateful for what I've been given in this life. And I'm grateful to share experiences with those I meet. And I'm grateful to learn about others around me, and to see into the life of someone else. It makes your heart full of love for others. Maybe I don't understand what others go through, but I can sympathize. I can empathize. I can listen.


... And her heart smiled. Not because of her own happiness, but in understanding someone else's.


Ask a question today. You might just be surprised at the answer.
Chloe

A L P I N E . M I S S I O N

The words were so blurry I couldn't read my assignment on my own. So, over Skype, my father read me the words that turned my life upside down:

You are hereby called to serve in the Alpine German-speaking mission. 

I report to the Preston, England MTC on

November 28th, 2013.

And just like that, my life was flipped right-side-out.

Everyone always joked about how funny it would be if I were to be called back to Germany, but I was never sure about that. But the second I heard (and partially saw) I had been called back here, the first thing I thought was "of course!". It made all the sense in the world that I would serve here!

I took three years of German

I've studied European history for... I don't even know how many years.

I decided to take time to live in this country for 9 weeks.

I have family here.

My mom's family is from here. 

I love Europe.

My mission covers the Romance language countries (Germany, France, Italy, Austria, Switzerland, Slovenia, Slovakia, Hungary, Czech Republic)

And I've had the chance to make connections to this country that I wasn't ready to give up when I had to go home.

It's funny how things just turn out the right way in a blink of an eye. Suddenly every event in my life fit- it all made sense. I didn't have to study German, and I most certainly didn't need to live here for the summer. But I chose those things. I didn't consider them prayerfully (although maybe I should have considered my long stay prayerfully) and somehow, everything still turned out the right way. 

God has a plan for us. And He is perfect. Our lives will turn out to be everything else we didn't have the imagination and hope to dream of through Him. It will be one thousand times more glorious than our wildest dreams. As long as we have faith in His divine power and timing, we needn't worry. 

I also find it special that I received so many answers to prayers while being here- so many answers pertaining to my mission. So many fears about attending the temple and whether I could possibly do this massive work were answered for me here. It's a special place to me because I received answers here. I made friendships here. I grew to love it here. It's so perfect- He is so perfect. This gospel is so perfect. This work is so perfect- so perfect for me. 

I can't wait to get out there and serve the people of Germany. I've got a feel for what they're like, and I consider that to be one of the hugest blessings. 

Although my departure date is probably the worst one I could have got (1. I leave on Thanksgiving Day, and 2. My parents and family fly out to Cozumel for my dads Ironman two days before I get set apart), I know that things will work out. If I have to leave 2 days early and stay with family in England, so be it. If I end up having to postpone my mission by 6 weeks, that's what the Lord needed me to do, and I'll do it :) If I really do only have 2 weeks in the MTC to learn German, I'm sure the gift of tongues will be something I'm blessed with. 

Live happy. Trust in the Lord. You are loved.

Sister Gilmour

Love. I want it.

There's a funny thing that happens when you grow up...

All the things that never appealed to you sound more inviting than you ever thought they would. Things like kissing and holding hands and staring lovingly into a boys eyes, while he stares back. Things like taking a purse with you everywhere you go, with a wallet full of money and a shiny plastic card. Even things like getting dressed up to go shopping with your girlfriends (getting ready never sounded fun to me..). 

But especially marriage. 

I don't know what about it has suddenly made me want it, but I want it. I want to meet that boy that makes me want to spend every thought on him, every gaze in his direction; every touch from him. I want to do his laundry and make is bed. I want to marry him, and I wanna have the best honeymoon anyone in history has ever had (yeah, that emotion has changed, too). I want him to see me in every aspect of life- and to love me for it. I want him to see me in white, holding a bouquet of flowers, sitting across from me in the temple, sealing us together for time and all eternity. I want to take cheesy wedding pictures with him and I want that "pure happiness" smile girls seem to be wearing everywhere I turn. 

I'll wait 18 months for you, perfect man. Wherever you are, I'll wait. Waiting makes the heart grow fonder. 

... Maybe this one.

Chloe

I've found love in a hopeless place

I've met the sweetest, kindest, most adorable boy while on my trip to Germany. 

I told myself I wasn't going to do that- it made everything too difficult. And I'm serving a mission, j couldn't let myself get distracted. 

But I did. 

His cute smile makes me fill up with joy. The way he says my name makes me weak in the knees. His laugh, his big blue eyes. All of it. The way he's always spilling on himself. Even when he's pulling at my hand at the most inconvenient times. 

It pains me thinking I have to leave him in 4 1/2 weeks, but I know I'll be okay. 

Would you like to meet my mystery man? 

His name is Kalyan. He's blonde and has the most perfect blue eyes. He's German, but only by birth. He's 2 1/2 and my perfect man! 

Love really is in the air. Not just here, but there- for all of us.. 

Au Revoir

Tonight I'm far away. 

I'm in the mountains; California mountains to be exact. There's a fire burning, and old wood walls from the 70's. There's a red plaid couch and a knitted blanket laying on the back. There's mismatched furniture and the musky smell of the forest. I'm wearing a giant tan sweater and leggings, in socks sipping tea. 

*

Perhaps I'm in my dream house now- the one in the Scottish back hills. Everything is white- the walls, the floor, the cabinets, the furniture. My windows are soaked in falling rain and I'm in a giant over sized sweater, leggings, socks, and I'm sipping tea. There are green rolling hills and old men herding sheep, and old walls made of stone still make history as they gloriously plant themselves in the hills where they've been for what seems like all of time & where they'll stay for the next centuries. There's an atmosphere only described by the words "gray" & "comfortable". 

*

The ability to remember. Is there anything more beautiful? That we can call on any moment of our pasts and have that small moment of that present in our minds. 

*

Remember when we had fantasies and we played pretend? I'm still playing pretend, except now instead of pretending to kiss boys, I am. Instead of imitating the big girls, I am the big girl. Instead of dreaming of having it all, I'm on my way to having it all. 

I've made quite a mess of this, haven't I?

Take it all in; Make a lasting memory

You may never have another chance.

 the stars are in your reach. 

you have the power in your hands.

its time now to believe you will always have the secret-

you will always have the air to breath

Happy 4th of July.

Today was spent making pies, jamming to music, laughing, and making memories to last a lifetime. 

I think today I'm mostly grateful for long awaited answers to prayers.

"... And if not him, someone better. Not better THAN him, but better FOR you."

(we managed to make the prettiest looking pie ever, until Heber burned his arm and half of the pie slid off, making it crumble. But it still tasted good.)

Been there, doing that

I've been there. Doing that. Having a love/hate relationship with it. 

Things got a whole lot more complicated when I allowed myself to make friends; friends that are a lot closer to me than they should be after 10 days. There's something special about friendships that happen so quickly. 

But now I remember I have to leave again. I have to say more goodbyes. I said 9 weeks was too long, but now I'm saying it isn't long enough. 

The worst part?

This isn't the one I wanted. But.. I understand. We're in the same boat, really. I just wish it could have happened. 

Every other fly wants the fruit accept for the fly that's good for the fruit 

(excuse the lame metaphor. There's a fly buzzing around my head and I've eaten my weight in fruit today)

Happy 4th of July week my fellow Americans! I will be celebrating mine making pies and taking strolls and having a BBQ with Brits. It's a bit off, but hey-

MEMORIES

Also, I still attract awkward things in this country. 

This really has been the best things I've ever done. I won't ever forget my time here. Or the people- especially the people.

Chloe

xxx

This is what love is..

We as sisters in the church, have reached a point in history where the work is hastening, and hastening quickly. Doors are being opened to the kind-hearted sisters that knock, and the love of the Gospel is being spread to millions. 58 new missions in the church. Can you believe we are living in this historical time? Can you believe it?

And I am lucky enough to have been sent to this earth at this time.. to be apart of this glorious work.

Maybe my Heavenly Father didn't send me to earth for the chance to serve a mission specifically, but right now, I feel like if that were to be the only thing I accomplished in life, I would be happy with myself, and so would He.

In institute we talked about Satan's 1,000 year bondage during the millennium and what could possibly be strong enough to hold him.

Well.

How does Satan get his power?
That's right- through us. It's when we give into him that gives him the power.
So what will keep him bound?
US. We will! Our unyielding righteousness.

What a glorious time that will be! A place where everyone gets along, the world is restored to a beauty even more beautiful than the place we live now (can you imagine?!). A place where the work of the gospel is knocking at every corner, swirling in every conversation, and bringing in those who were lost in the dark steams of mortal life; those who have been waiting insurmountable time-clocks to be part of the truth.

And yet... here I am- A PART OF IT. I was born into it, in a country where I can exercise my right to religion without the fear of being stoned. How incredible is that? As we see the world taking a direction we as members know to be wrong, we also see the the counterpart to that work- missionaries. In a world with so much evil, you are greeted with an equal amount of good. That is so HOPEFUL. And I've seen that- I've seen that as I've looked and talked with the amazing young men who are now going out to dedicate their lives to the Lord.

I feel an eternal amount of love right now... I can only see a SMALL glimpse of what my Father feels for me, but that small part He has given me the chance to feel, I have come to know His love, for not only me, but for all of his children.

Living in Germany the last weeks, you see things you don't see living in Utah, but you also see that even these people are Gods children. Being away from home in this sort of situation has prepared me in a way I never expected. I'm grateful for every moment I've had. I'm grateful for the chance to live in a foreign place, a place I've had the chance to make friends with incredible people, and a place I've seen my friendships from 6,000 miles away stay strong, and in ways, become stronger.

These are all things that are helping me prepare for my mission. Wow.


"I'm ready. Send me."

Chloe xx

Slight eyes and heavy connections

We are all so inside of ourselves. But sometimes, while being so inside of ourselves, we find that we are so outside of ourselves; that while we are huddled up inside, we have a part of us that reaches out to other people. The heart, or the brain, or maybe even fate, as I've heard it been referred to, finds itself doing things that no science will ever be able to find an answer to. WE FEEL.

I was having a moment, where in the movement of everything around me, I managed to be in a place where only I existed. I was able to relate to the music I was hearing and FEEL for every person in my life that applied to those words.

*

I think it was a mix of things not being the same and because the lines were so perfect and I wasn't going to get the chance to know those lines. And things were quiet, and you could feel the uncomfortable-ness. Perhaps two could, anyway. It was as if there were unspoken words spoken through the corner of a mirror and small talk. Or the slight smile I tried not to wear.

Or it was those blue lightning-like rays that shoot from eye to eye straight to the heart when you somehow have a connection. I heard somewhere that you get that feeling when you knew that person in heaven. Maybe that's the case.

Or maybe, just maybe, I get ahead of myself.

TODAY THAT SHIRT HUNG MORE PERFECTLY 

THAN ON 

ANY PERFECTLY CHISELED MANNEQUIN

 I HAVE EVER SEEN.

It's a contest

I'm always so apprehensive about meeting new people. But as we sat at the piano, or talking about music, or strumming the guitar, I remember that there really isn't a reason to fear new friendships.

Sure, it could end in more heartache than I would like, but wouldn't I rather know I had a good time with good company than know I wasted my time being lonely? I think so.

Relationships have already been forged in the four days I've known some of these people and I already feel close to them. To think that I have to leave them really makes me sad. Who knew my biggest trial in life would be the ability to love? Some may say that's not a trial, but it really is. To know that you have to leave behind pieces of your heart in far away places to incredible people with the knowledge that you may not get it back, is really sad.

So as I sing at seminary graduation, hike with a team of 4 boys, and attempt at other adventures, I'll keep in mind to make my pieces worth it; to leave them with genuine parts of me, so that when I come back, I can retrieve them from the places they were left.

Watch over the pieces, whoever or wherever I may leave them. I don't make trails like this often.

Incoherence & Sun Shy by Dresses

Improving in the living room, suggested songs, suggested artists, flying body, whipping hair; whatever I want 

Timing, levels, turning, jumping, feeling, being; passionately

strumming, pounding, singing; swerve

..............

new friends, new memories, new feelings, new eyes, new understanding; wanting it all

a small smile, open eyes, a wink here, a wink there; so close to home on so many levels

singing, playing, reminding; filling in spaces 

..............

an open heart, a stolen heart; confused, but not really- I know where it is 

(maybe)

a different chapter, a different title; so different, but so good.

Mmmmm-ing and Ahhh-ing, wide mouthed and drooling

These are a few of my favorite things

(so far)

ADVENTURE SOME TODAY

CHLOE

XXX

"Doors"

Living in another country where the church isn't as big has really made me appreciate Mormon boys. I've had the pleasure of meeting a few in my 3 weeks of being here, and I am nothing less than impressed with them. 

I've also come to see how time works it's way out in ways we didn't even see. Life often opens doors, giving us the chance to walk through them, or close them. I met "a door"... And I would love to walk through that doorway; get to know the frame, what makes the doorknob turn, see what the door is made of, and get to know the hallway proceeding from the door. In just the few hours I spent studying "the door" you can see that there is more than meets the eye. The grains in the wood run deep, and the way things fit together on that door are interesting. It's the kind of door I've always wanted mounted on my house. 

There are so many doors I will open in the 6 weeks remaining of my trip, but I hope this one stays open. It's a very nice door. 

Life works out in funny ways, and I pray in thanks that that's the way things are. 

The church is true. I know it is with every thing that I am. I'm so excited to go out and serve the people of this world and bring them happiness and truth- to burn out the fear that so many men and women have, and replace it with peace and knowledge that everything will be okay; that our Heavenly Father loves us, every single one of us, no matter out lasts, our presents, or our futures. 

Happy Friday. I hope all is well wherever you are. Smile at a stranger today- it works miracles. 

Chloe

xxx 

Naked Kids- literally

Today I witnessed, in a small fraction, what Europe is best known for; nude beaches. Only differences were that I wasn't at a beach and they weren't completely nude. But let me tell you, it was quite a shock. I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all once I got over the initial shock of it all.

Boys run around naked, girls are topless. Nudity is not something to be ashamed of here. To be seen in a two-piece, completely modest swimsuit was a bit embarrassing because it seemed so natural to be scantily dressed.

Now, to put at ease the strange feelings you may be having about this, the boys are girls running naked and free were all mostly under the age of 8. But to see a topless little girl was still a little shocking. I know that my father would never have it, even when we were 6 years old and completely innocent.

Another strange feature of German swimming pools is the scale at which women view themselves. To explain, women here are EXTREMELY comfortable in their skin. The women are wrinkly and old and have front bums and they wear bikinis. Mothers that have birthed 9 kids are in bikinis with the same physical features.

Every young girl I saw had cottage cheese legs, or those that would quickly become cottage cheese legs within the next 4 years. And the best/worst part of this: NO ONE GAVE A ROUGH. They were just at the pool having a good time. The girls were with boys, they had boyfriends, some were married. And no one (except maybe me) payed any attention to these practicalities. Huh. Imagine that. A place where physical appearance didn't really matter. What a strange concept it still is to me.

Despite the easiness these women had, I still strive to have no cottage cheese and toned legs and a flat belly. I'd call it chemical imbalances in the brain. They often get me to eat less than I should, and no sweets (which is very hard living in Europe), and have me losing the calories due to the stress about the calories. Yes, I'd say I'm somewhat back in the same place I was last year. But I think today, seeing women being content and happy in the wrinkly and cheesy legs, made an impact in the positive way I've been praying so desperately to find.

I've read a great book: Mistborn by Brandon Sanderson. I recommend it.


Hi. Europe rocks. Hard.


Met a kid named Heber today and felt really close to home (Heber, UT. Get it?). And he's mature for his age (so I've been told), so I think we'll get on quite well. Hi, Heber. Thanks for having a nice name.


Loves from Germany
Chloe
xxx

also, I won this swimsuit.

pictures are worth a thousand words, or in this case, 151,000 words

lets talk about a busy week in pictures. 

pictures include Strasbourg, France, Schwarzwald, Rodelbahn, Frankfurt, Cathedrals, German countryside, delightful food, Chloe's lack of a fashion sense since she only brought something like 20 articles of clothing, Hessenpark, lots of cheese, gorgeous breads, my 7 mile bike ride through the farming fields of germany, and probably a few other random things.

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer breaks. 

Got news that it's a possibility my best friend may be coming to stay with me the last 2 weeks of my 9 week adventure :) I'm the happiest girl alive right now!!

boys are crazy and hard to live with. especially coming from a family of all girls! 

mission papers go in in 2 weeks! The church is true, i promise it is.

attended German institute last night with two boys who were kind enough to be my ride. No one bullied me, but no one talked to me either.... so I don't know which is better ;) i think i'll make it here in Germany...

have fun going your various ways everyone. It's been a pleasure getting to know all you.

until my next adventure...

xxx

Chloe