it's hidden in the tiny corners of my heart && i'm not even sure how to get there.

i am
complicated
detailed
deep.
i find myself wanting nothing more than to go to an arts school, where i can be surrounded by people just like me- people who feel the most.. okay.. when they're surrounded by beautiful things that make them think through feeling; people who can create what they feel, and make others feel it, as well.

but when i step outside of my head, (the only place i'm truly okay with myself. the only place i can talk myself into feeling perfect just the way i am. the only place where only "I" exist and everything i do is amazing. the only place that is not in the world.) i realize that there are so many people around me that do what i WISH i could do so much better than me; they have such a better shot at my future than i do.
writing.
drawing.
painting.
speaking.
creating.
picturesque.
i'm only an ameture when it comes to these things. but is it so bad that this is ALL i ever want to do? even if i'm not the best at any of them? can't i go just to learn and develop talents (that i may or may not have)? can't i just be given a chance?

chloe: keep being exactly who you are. if you must continue to shape yourself to fit other peoples molds, keep doing it. do it until you find someone who fits your mold perfectly and flawlessly. because one day you'll find the ability to love and care, and someone WILL come along- someone who understands everything in your heart.

see. not even i can put my own head and heart into words.



"... i'll lay on the ground like this *acts like an alligator*."