Hell week: day one.

Looks like this week won't be too much hell, after all.

Today we learned dance routine. It's super cute, different, and looks good. But it's not hard, or a challenge.

After getting my books and paying for school, I went back for a few hours with dance co. I'm not gonna lie, I was terrified. They all hate me, and I'm sure I was the last person they wanted to see. Turns out, that wasn't the only thing to be worried about. The dance I incredible! It's hard, hard, hard, but it's doable. I haven't been pushed with choreography like that for years! I was definitely rusty, but it felt so good to be scared! To not be one of the top, and to be pushed hard! It was nice to feel dumb and like I sucked... Because then I wanted to try harder than i do at my practices. I was actually looking forward to doing this dance with them.

It was never set in stone that would be do the dance with them, but I hoped it could be.

I was so worried about looking bad again, that I came home and worked on that dance for a solid hour. I broke everything down and learned it perfectly. But turns out, we aren't doing it with them. I guess 31 girls is too many, but I have a feeling that's not the only reason.

I mean, good things don't really happen with me and drill team. Why would this work? That would be something good.

I just need this to work. Because deep down (but not even that deep) I don't want to be there. I'm tired of taking last and not being liked by our school. It's so hard. So so so hard.

"Nothing worthwhile is easy".... This isn't easy. But is it worthwhile?

The beginning of... This week

We had pictures today. It went pretty well- I've done this enough times that it lost its appeal for me. But fun, nonetheless.
I don't know how I'm going to do this. I honestly can't make eye contact with anyone. I'm known as the blog girl, im sure of it. If it helps, I've bawled about that mistakes for hours now. Don't fret, I'm apologizing for it. I didn't mean it, I shouldn't have said it, and I know that it was wrong. Trust me, I'm still paying for it. You just have to understand the darkness in my life at that time. No, that's not a justification, but maybe it'll make more sense if you were to understand my motives.
It ruined my chance as captain, and the relationship I have with my coach. I love her, and she's gonna be amazing, but I have so much to prove to her- even with an apology. Here we go.


Here's to having a big, fat, loud mouth 👍 (thumbs up)

CHEERS.