the random thoughts and questions of today: 2/1/11

Today.

there are a few things that have been on my mind.

and i didn't really even know they were on my mind until i went to Gandys with my bestest friend, Stephanie.

-- why must i be so obsessed with impressing 'certain peoples' parents?? why do i spend the entire two hours of  a basketball game just looking at them and wondering what they think of me? why do i have to watch my facial expressions? my actions? who I'm with? well..... because its important to me. i know its stupid. but they scare me to death!! why cant they just know me? know us? help me know that they don't hate me? WHY. i don't like that word much. but really... its gotten so bad that every time i see a white suburban, i have to check to see who's driving it...just to make sure its not them. or i always have this little thought in my head that says: if 'that person' were to see me in this, would she put a bad label on it? really... who gets ready according to someone they barely know?!! someone with issues... me. all i wanna do is impress you :[ i just want you to know me. KNOW me. just know I'm not bad.

-- how did i get so lucky?? honestly...you are so great :] and i hope you see this. and then smile :] then tell me so you can make meeeee smile :]

-- today i was asked to write down what my real feelings towards the church were. that's a bit of a hard question... but i gave a simple answer. i love it :] i am INCREDIBLY blessed to have the knowledge that i do. I love my Savior and the love he shows towards me every day :] even when I'm not being the best that i could be..... He still loves me. I love knowing i have a loving Father in Heaven and that i can, and will, return to again :]

-- it is so sad to me when people that i love are angry all the time!! really...its fine! just breathe! calm down. there is no reason to be swearing because of that. i wish she would realize how lucky she is! yeah...things have been rough, but they're getting better.... she needs to love her mother instead of bash on her. forgive and forget. people make mistakes...it makes them human.          how do i tell that person these things without making her furious with me??? cause trust me, its not easy :]

its been a weird day.

XXX

the perfect me..

if i could pick the perfect me..

i have this addiction to the grungy, dirty, vintage look. i would LOVE to look like this everyday, but sadly, i just cant do it.

see?? does this not just shout chloe?? probably not, but i wish it did. it's just so hard to find all these pieces, pull them off, and be able to dress like this consistently. i wish.

bikes. aaaaaah bikes. i love them. just picture yourself riding this beautiful bike along the road.
doesn't it look perfect????! i think it definitely does :]

and of course i'll be having a picnic everyday. because picnics are great, and calm, and fun, and....ideal :] i'll ride my bike to a park full of trees, holding my basket on the handle of my bike. and of course, my cute husband will be riding his bike right next to me.

a man like this. not exactly like this, but something like this. pea coats. socks. scarves. the only thing missing in the photo is the hair. it needs to be long, and dirty. very europian :] and they must have facial hair. yes. that would be nice.

now of course these things are all just wishes. but i like to wish...so i will keep on wishing. i already have a great life... a great guy. nothing needs to change. this is just me wishing :]

ta.

friends.

Friends are.... my life.

i love the kinds of friends who know we're friends, but we dont really talk.

yeah...it makes me kind of sad :]

but i had this urge to write about them.

you dont know its you.

and i know you wont read this,,

but i love you.

i often think about those 'good ole days'. the days where we could just sit and talk; talk about anything. and everything.

dear friend:
can we have those moments back?

with all my love,

chloe