cutest names!.. and random things..

i thought id share these names now before i forget that i love them :]

1. Sutton (girl)
2. Spencer (girl)
3. Phoebe (girl)
4 Andrew (boy)

haha... can you tell which kind of kid i want?? kind? i talk like they're a pair of shoes... oh well. not something I'll be actually thinking about for.... 10 years? yes, at least that :]

also.

school.
i really hate school. i have such an inward anger towards it.
I'll go to school, tell myself I'm going to be good that day and i won't get angry at the teachers...
but i go and what do i do??? lose my temper.
great. and whole other year of it.
and.
and I'm not very excited to see... some certain people.
I'll control myself and be nice..
i am just certainly NOT excited to see you :] :]


one more thing.

drill.
starts up again tomorrow.
who knows what direction I'll take:
1. stay with it and stick it out...and pray that the best happens.
or
2. quit, get a job, have a real social life, do well in school.... possibly get fat.
who knows!
tomorrow and Tuesday will determine my path...


I've got a brain full of random things lately :] its absolutely beautiful :]

nothing funny happens in life anymore. so...
tah/xxx

Oh how I love feeling inadequate.

Wanna know one of the hardest things... Ever??
When someone you are extremely close with is better than you on so many different levels. It starts to sting.
I wish it didn't... But it does.
I know I shouldn't feel that way, but how can you help it?! They're so perfect(even though they will argue and argue that they aren't) and then.... I'm not.
Oh I am faaaaaaar from perfect. So far it's sad. And yet.. I'm with the person who makes me feel the worst.
But he makes me feel so GOOD! How can a person make you feel two completely different feelings?? All I know is that I'm so grateful for that person. So beyond grateful. And I am very proud of their accomplishments and offers... Don't get me wrong! It's hard to watch, though.
Oh I wish I were good enough for you.

Looks like I've found a new goal.

TahXXX