Button up that leather jacket

We need to stop guessing and focus on just knowing.

Someone sent me this not two minutes ago.

I like it.

Stop being so insecure and do what you do proudly!

In lieu of this insightful saying, something brilliant and unheard of will take place this weekend. I know it (see what I did there?).


I suppose it's time to stop guessing, put on my big girl pants, and take a leap of faith.
Don't let me fall, please.



I got invited to go skiing with Sasha. Right when I think the first date will be the last, they always go and surprise me by asking me out again. This is something that is scarcely heard of in the realm of Chloe. But is it him I want to go out with...??



Men.


"Chloe, you go back out there and walk in with a smile on your face!"

In my Ann Taylor dress

Today Elder Richard G. Scott spoke to our stake at Stake Conference. He is such an adorable man. But aren't all apostles adorable?
I think they are.
Between our stake presidency and Elder Worthlin and Elder Scott, I think we heard all that we needed to hear. But there were three things that every speaker spoke about. They must be pretty important topics if one of our prophets covered it.

1. Temple worship/ Family history
2. Tell your wife you love her (this also pertains to our mothers, for those of us who aren't married).
3. The world is and evil place... and it is only going to get more intense.

These were not the topics I had anticipated to be honest. I thought there would be a lot about missions.. more about missions, I guess.
(Elder Scott told the congregation that he was going to call on a few young women from the stake to come share their testimonies. Of course, like every other girl in the audience, I suddenly became very antsy... I couldn't share my testimony on such short notice... in front of an apostle! But luckily, we heard from two very appropriate girls, both who have beautiful testimonies).

But then I got to thinking: they did talk about missions. Temple work and temple worthiness goes directly hand in hand with missions. It's something we all forget to think about when thinking about a mission. But guys! We get to go through the temple! We often over look that very exciting and important moment. Hearing the frequency of the topic, it must be very, very important that we focus all energy on getting there. It is our ultimate goal. It's always been mine, but I guess I'll keep it in mind more now that it's been addressed.

Something President Judd said that I really liked, was that we need to work our lives around the temple, not the temple around our lives.
He said that monthly temple attendance IS NOT ENOUGH. He made it a goal we ask ourselves every Sunday night after family prayer when we were going to the temple that week.
So it is my goal to go weekly. It really shouldn't be hard.. I've more than enough time. It's short and sweet, and a moment to have absolute spirituality during our crazy and hectic lives.

*******

I went on a date with a Norwegian last night.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't absolutely terrified.
The words "date rape" popped into my head much more often than they should have.... I feel bad that I judged him so early on. But I honestly was just thinking smart.
The entire time I was wishing I was there with someone else, though. That's a sign if I didn't know one. I don't know, I think it just showed me (again) that I have a very specific type of guy in mind. As adorable and sweet as he was, I just don't know if I could see myself with someone like him. Sorry sweet Sasha.



Sometimes boys play with my head. My heart jumps out of my chest, but my head is the logical one: Be careful, darling.
No stupid, I don't want to be logical.

Danger zone

*excuse me while I rage about love*

It's been a solid year. Okay? A year. I'm doing pretty good if I do say so myself.

But I realized something last night; I'm terrified to let myself go. The thought of going on a drive is awful because the last drive I took with a boy resulted in tears and drippy noses.

I was mystified, until I gave it thought. BAD IDEA, BAD IDEA. RED ALERT.


I sat home tonight, like any other night when this situation arises. Cancelled, tremble, another takes my place, the tears.


I feel like a pity date. A pity girl. A pity situation.

I should be over the insecurities by now!
...right?


Just.
CTCOD Y'ALL. ALWAYS.

Time for another "new"

It's all too clear how unclear things have become.
I don't mean this as a way to say I've lost my way, or things don't make sense. They do.
It's saying things have become so clear, they're unclear.
I've seen through all my passions and interests. I saw them clear as day.
Now I've seen through them, I look at them unclearly because they don't make sense anymore. They aren't my interests anymore.
Every thing is cliche. I used to be there girl that stood out, but now I just blend in.
I need a change in my life currents. I need a new fashion, new hair, new people, a new season. New. Anything and everything.
Five months: Germany
2 months: New York
Nine months: mission availability date
Things are quickly coming to a close, but that only means things are coming to a start.

Here's to the close of chapter 3 and the start of chapter 4. Featuring the one and only Chloe.





It was terribly wrong of me, and you know it.

we are no longer enchanted

I've always thought I've had good style. You may disagree, but I think that's a talent I've been given; I can see what looks good together in different ways. I always thought I was good at being that girl who wore something out of the ordinary.

 

But I'm sure that if you have eyes, you've seen that what's been considered unique for as long as I can remember, is no longer. It is now mainstream- it's what every one's wearing.

 

 

When I was little, everything held such mystery to me. I was excited to know of the dark part of history, to experience things no one had, and most importantly, to be someone no one else was. But then I grew up and realized that life wasn't as exciting as I had anticipated. Style is just one small way I've began to notice this.

 

 

I wonder if that's because I've grown up in such a generic generation, or if no one was as different as I had originally thought?

 

 

We've been taught that everyone is different, but guess what?

We aren't.

We are all so afraid to be something special because we all aim for the worlds approval- even if we tell ourselves that's not what we do.

 

But truth be told, I think

 we've lost the ability to be enchanting.

 

How?

 

We are surrounded by things that make it so easy to be like everyone else:

Twitter- we adopt typing trends, we talk about the same things, we all file into the same categories.

Facebook- we all have the habit of complaining about the same things, on every side of a problem.

Pinterest- how easy is it to repin an outfit you liked that another girl repinned & so on and so forth.

 

I blame these things for taking away our individuality.

How sad is it that we are no longer enchanting humans with amazing imaginations and gigantic dreams? We don't aspire to be princesses or doctors anymore, we don't play house with our friends and make up pretend boyfriends. We don't scare ourselves silly over a game we made up purely in our heads.

 

 

How sad that we are no longer enchanting.

 

 

 

think about deep things. it improves intellect.

tradition and thoughts

Almost every Sunday night, I have a Skype session with one of my very best friends. And almost every time we talk, I have an 'ah ha!' moment- he just seems to know what to say, even when I'm not necessarily looking for the right words. He just says things that hit me in just the right spot at just the right moment.
Tonight we discussed what we discuss every time we speak, without fail: our missions. He finishes the last part of his papers this week, and then he's got his last interview, and then they're off! His call will be coming a whole lot sooner than any of  us are prepared for. Especially me.
I was thinking about missions in Sacrament meeting, as I always do, and as our 1st Counselor read a letter from our stake presidency regarding the mission age change, it hit me; my friends are leaving. The boys I've looked up to so much over the years are leaving. And when they leave, yeah, I won't have much time myself, but I won't have anyone to talk to. Oh, I will miss them so terribly. But then I won't, because they are doing the best thing any person could do for their lives, and I am so PROUD of them. I love them like my brothers, which I never had, so they basically are.
We also discussed a subject that's been on my mind more than ever. That's all I'll say, but again, he knew what to say. He's so on point about things that he gets me to cry. Or maybe he just lets me talk and that's what gets me going... That's probably what it is. No one lets me talk about those silly and serious things; I'm glad he does.

This one's for you, for your happiness, your future, and your incredible decision. I'm lucky and blessed to know you.

Swerve.

Yesterday was our last drill competition ever. wow. I made it? Really? It's almost over? What a relief! I'm grateful that we had our little get away- it was a really insightful night. I came to know that my thoughts and insecurities really aren't that different from those around me. And it was such a relief. Maybe there's really not as much wrong with me and I initially thought. Phew.

So gratified for my tender mercies. Let's get through this together.
He's in it if I am.

As life meets itself

I've always had this place, this state of mind, in my head that no one has ever been able to understand.

It's that place between this awful world and that peace and comfort; it's where I feel alive, like a live wire. I get excited and I'm overwhelmed by emotion. I feel PASSIONATE... Like I could create anything with the right tools. I wish to tell everyone how much they mean to me and the impact they've had on me (I never do). I always want to travel by myself, bring a camera, and meditate; appreciate all that's around me.

THAT is ME. THAT is what I AM. I live for those moments. I seek every opportunity to feel that way.

But you see, no one sees ME. No one understands the potential my nerves want to reach at the most confusing and random times. No one gets it. It's utterly exasperating.

And when no one gets it, it's personal. When people don't support my wishes and goals, I want to scream "DON'T YOU KNOW ME? DON'T YOU love ME?". Because no, they don't. They don't know my reason for my healthy ways, they don't understand my urge to serve a mission. They don't support it.

I wish to be supported.

Not even my very best friends understand it. Not even my best friends support me.

When I find the one who does, I won't let them go. I will spend eternity with them.

I wonder why I wasn't blessed with the ability to write beautiful words- words that will impact those who hear or read them, but I hope maybe this described that in-between that no one can see.


The best I can describe it?


I feel infinite.