Today.
there are a few things that have been on my mind.
and i didn't really even know they were on my mind until i went to Gandys with my bestest friend, Stephanie.
-- why must i be so obsessed with impressing 'certain peoples' parents?? why do i spend the entire two hours of a basketball game just looking at them and wondering what they think of me? why do i have to watch my facial expressions? my actions? who I'm with? well..... because its important to me. i know its stupid. but they scare me to death!! why cant they just know me? know us? help me know that they don't hate me? WHY. i don't like that word much. but really... its gotten so bad that every time i see a white suburban, i have to check to see who's driving it...just to make sure its not them. or i always have this little thought in my head that says: if 'that person' were to see me in this, would she put a bad label on it? really... who gets ready according to someone they barely know?!! someone with issues... me. all i wanna do is impress you :[ i just want you to know me. KNOW me. just know I'm not bad.
-- how did i get so lucky?? honestly...you are so great :] and i hope you see this. and then smile :] then tell me so you can make meeeee smile :]
-- today i was asked to write down what my real feelings towards the church were. that's a bit of a hard question... but i gave a simple answer. i love it :] i am INCREDIBLY blessed to have the knowledge that i do. I love my Savior and the love he shows towards me every day :] even when I'm not being the best that i could be..... He still loves me. I love knowing i have a loving Father in Heaven and that i can, and will, return to again :]
-- it is so sad to me when people that i love are angry all the time!! really...its fine! just breathe! calm down. there is no reason to be swearing because of that. i wish she would realize how lucky she is! yeah...things have been rough, but they're getting better.... she needs to love her mother instead of bash on her. forgive and forget. people make mistakes...it makes them human. how do i tell that person these things without making her furious with me??? cause trust me, its not easy :]
its been a weird day.
XXX
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