Kind things hurt the worst

Sometimes I wonder if they would have publicly said such loving things about me.
Sometimes I wonder if they remember how ever- present I was not even a year ago.
Sometimes I wonder if I ever enter their thoughts.

Sometimes happens much more often than usual. Especially lately.


What about me wasn't good enough?

In the corner.

It's itty-bitty, teeny-tiny, but it's there. And it's uncomfortable. It shocked me when I found out.

Everyone knows girls can be the most insecure creatures on this planet. They also know they can be the most confident. Some days girls feel beautiful, and skinny, and their outfit looks good and their hair lays just right. Some days that cute boy talks to you and you think, for just a night or two, that he's interested. He flirts, and he's sweet. Some days things just work out.

Other days... Other days don't. But today isn't one of those days.

And then you have days that are in betweens. Some days go great, you look in the mirror and feel beautiful and you think you have mesmerizing eyes. But then you see something, you hear something, and that feeling is gone. Annoyance and a short temperament overcome you. Why? Why are good moments ruined?
I don't know. But right now, I'm feeling beautiful and vulnerable, and like I could jump for it, and id be okay with falling- even if I fell into empty air; sometimes falling is exciting, and even when you land, you don't regret the fall.

Missionaries left, right, and center.

Well guys. He. Is. Home.

I just saw him and..... He's thin. And tall. Taller than I remember. I'm sure he got taller! He must have....

Germany.

ATTENTION:
I'm living in Germany for the summer :) And I'm so, so excited!



Germany in 5 months.
Graduation in 5 months.
Mission in 10.
An old friend in 4 days (which I just realized I am so nervous for).
Life is happening oh so quickly!

I am thankful.

Today I feel more grateful than ever for the missionary age change for sisters.

As I see friends receive their calls, girls I've grown up with, people I don't even know getting their calls, I am overwhelmed with the spirit. I cry every time I hear someone's beautiful news: "sister_____, you have hereby been called by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to labor in the _________ mission"


And every time I hear of someone's blessings, I can't help but think I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY TURN.... I can't wait for my turn :)

The time is fast approaching, but not fast enough. If everything pans out the way I've got it planned, I'll have my papers in in July (technically June, but I'll be in Germany and I don't want my family and friends to miss that wonderful moment).

I am so incredibly grateful for missions- for the blessings they bring to so many families. This church is true... And I can't wait to share it with those who need it.


Happy thanksgiving! May you remember the things that you have, and be grateful for the moments you've shared with those you love. Eat lots of turkey- I know I will :)

Ps. HE'S HOME!! He's home! I'll see him next week, but HE'S HOME!!

".... I really hope I see you."

Holiday season.

Kiss me under the mistletoe.
While You Were Sleeping.
Midnight walks through the snow.
Fireplaces.
Park City.
Jackets galore.
Hats.
Gloves.
Sweaters.
Boots
Scarves.
Rosy cheeks.
Skiing.
Soup.
Gifts.
Feast upon turkey and ham.
Night of Bethlehem.
Miracle on 31st street.
Carriage ride and lights at Temple Square.
Gospel.
Bows and ribbons.
Christmas music.

But mostly... Just kiss me under the mistletoe you big hunk.


I love this time of year.