Au Revoir

Tonight I'm far away. 

I'm in the mountains; California mountains to be exact. There's a fire burning, and old wood walls from the 70's. There's a red plaid couch and a knitted blanket laying on the back. There's mismatched furniture and the musky smell of the forest. I'm wearing a giant tan sweater and leggings, in socks sipping tea. 

*

Perhaps I'm in my dream house now- the one in the Scottish back hills. Everything is white- the walls, the floor, the cabinets, the furniture. My windows are soaked in falling rain and I'm in a giant over sized sweater, leggings, socks, and I'm sipping tea. There are green rolling hills and old men herding sheep, and old walls made of stone still make history as they gloriously plant themselves in the hills where they've been for what seems like all of time & where they'll stay for the next centuries. There's an atmosphere only described by the words "gray" & "comfortable". 

*

The ability to remember. Is there anything more beautiful? That we can call on any moment of our pasts and have that small moment of that present in our minds. 

*

Remember when we had fantasies and we played pretend? I'm still playing pretend, except now instead of pretending to kiss boys, I am. Instead of imitating the big girls, I am the big girl. Instead of dreaming of having it all, I'm on my way to having it all. 

I've made quite a mess of this, haven't I?

Take it all in; Make a lasting memory

You may never have another chance.

 the stars are in your reach. 

you have the power in your hands.

its time now to believe you will always have the secret-

you will always have the air to breath

Happy 4th of July.

Today was spent making pies, jamming to music, laughing, and making memories to last a lifetime. 

I think today I'm mostly grateful for long awaited answers to prayers.

"... And if not him, someone better. Not better THAN him, but better FOR you."

(we managed to make the prettiest looking pie ever, until Heber burned his arm and half of the pie slid off, making it crumble. But it still tasted good.)

Been there, doing that

I've been there. Doing that. Having a love/hate relationship with it. 

Things got a whole lot more complicated when I allowed myself to make friends; friends that are a lot closer to me than they should be after 10 days. There's something special about friendships that happen so quickly. 

But now I remember I have to leave again. I have to say more goodbyes. I said 9 weeks was too long, but now I'm saying it isn't long enough. 

The worst part?

This isn't the one I wanted. But.. I understand. We're in the same boat, really. I just wish it could have happened. 

Every other fly wants the fruit accept for the fly that's good for the fruit 

(excuse the lame metaphor. There's a fly buzzing around my head and I've eaten my weight in fruit today)

Happy 4th of July week my fellow Americans! I will be celebrating mine making pies and taking strolls and having a BBQ with Brits. It's a bit off, but hey-

MEMORIES

Also, I still attract awkward things in this country. 

This really has been the best things I've ever done. I won't ever forget my time here. Or the people- especially the people.

Chloe

xxx

This is what love is..

We as sisters in the church, have reached a point in history where the work is hastening, and hastening quickly. Doors are being opened to the kind-hearted sisters that knock, and the love of the Gospel is being spread to millions. 58 new missions in the church. Can you believe we are living in this historical time? Can you believe it?

And I am lucky enough to have been sent to this earth at this time.. to be apart of this glorious work.

Maybe my Heavenly Father didn't send me to earth for the chance to serve a mission specifically, but right now, I feel like if that were to be the only thing I accomplished in life, I would be happy with myself, and so would He.

In institute we talked about Satan's 1,000 year bondage during the millennium and what could possibly be strong enough to hold him.

Well.

How does Satan get his power?
That's right- through us. It's when we give into him that gives him the power.
So what will keep him bound?
US. We will! Our unyielding righteousness.

What a glorious time that will be! A place where everyone gets along, the world is restored to a beauty even more beautiful than the place we live now (can you imagine?!). A place where the work of the gospel is knocking at every corner, swirling in every conversation, and bringing in those who were lost in the dark steams of mortal life; those who have been waiting insurmountable time-clocks to be part of the truth.

And yet... here I am- A PART OF IT. I was born into it, in a country where I can exercise my right to religion without the fear of being stoned. How incredible is that? As we see the world taking a direction we as members know to be wrong, we also see the the counterpart to that work- missionaries. In a world with so much evil, you are greeted with an equal amount of good. That is so HOPEFUL. And I've seen that- I've seen that as I've looked and talked with the amazing young men who are now going out to dedicate their lives to the Lord.

I feel an eternal amount of love right now... I can only see a SMALL glimpse of what my Father feels for me, but that small part He has given me the chance to feel, I have come to know His love, for not only me, but for all of his children.

Living in Germany the last weeks, you see things you don't see living in Utah, but you also see that even these people are Gods children. Being away from home in this sort of situation has prepared me in a way I never expected. I'm grateful for every moment I've had. I'm grateful for the chance to live in a foreign place, a place I've had the chance to make friends with incredible people, and a place I've seen my friendships from 6,000 miles away stay strong, and in ways, become stronger.

These are all things that are helping me prepare for my mission. Wow.


"I'm ready. Send me."

Chloe xx

Slight eyes and heavy connections

We are all so inside of ourselves. But sometimes, while being so inside of ourselves, we find that we are so outside of ourselves; that while we are huddled up inside, we have a part of us that reaches out to other people. The heart, or the brain, or maybe even fate, as I've heard it been referred to, finds itself doing things that no science will ever be able to find an answer to. WE FEEL.

I was having a moment, where in the movement of everything around me, I managed to be in a place where only I existed. I was able to relate to the music I was hearing and FEEL for every person in my life that applied to those words.

*

I think it was a mix of things not being the same and because the lines were so perfect and I wasn't going to get the chance to know those lines. And things were quiet, and you could feel the uncomfortable-ness. Perhaps two could, anyway. It was as if there were unspoken words spoken through the corner of a mirror and small talk. Or the slight smile I tried not to wear.

Or it was those blue lightning-like rays that shoot from eye to eye straight to the heart when you somehow have a connection. I heard somewhere that you get that feeling when you knew that person in heaven. Maybe that's the case.

Or maybe, just maybe, I get ahead of myself.

TODAY THAT SHIRT HUNG MORE PERFECTLY 

THAN ON 

ANY PERFECTLY CHISELED MANNEQUIN

 I HAVE EVER SEEN.

It's a contest

I'm always so apprehensive about meeting new people. But as we sat at the piano, or talking about music, or strumming the guitar, I remember that there really isn't a reason to fear new friendships.

Sure, it could end in more heartache than I would like, but wouldn't I rather know I had a good time with good company than know I wasted my time being lonely? I think so.

Relationships have already been forged in the four days I've known some of these people and I already feel close to them. To think that I have to leave them really makes me sad. Who knew my biggest trial in life would be the ability to love? Some may say that's not a trial, but it really is. To know that you have to leave behind pieces of your heart in far away places to incredible people with the knowledge that you may not get it back, is really sad.

So as I sing at seminary graduation, hike with a team of 4 boys, and attempt at other adventures, I'll keep in mind to make my pieces worth it; to leave them with genuine parts of me, so that when I come back, I can retrieve them from the places they were left.

Watch over the pieces, whoever or wherever I may leave them. I don't make trails like this often.

Incoherence & Sun Shy by Dresses

Improving in the living room, suggested songs, suggested artists, flying body, whipping hair; whatever I want 

Timing, levels, turning, jumping, feeling, being; passionately

strumming, pounding, singing; swerve

..............

new friends, new memories, new feelings, new eyes, new understanding; wanting it all

a small smile, open eyes, a wink here, a wink there; so close to home on so many levels

singing, playing, reminding; filling in spaces 

..............

an open heart, a stolen heart; confused, but not really- I know where it is 

(maybe)

a different chapter, a different title; so different, but so good.

Mmmmm-ing and Ahhh-ing, wide mouthed and drooling

These are a few of my favorite things

(so far)

ADVENTURE SOME TODAY

CHLOE

XXX