Brilliance. Sums up everything going through my head- which happens to be a whole slew of things [just be flattered]
On a scale of north Korea to America, how free are you on Saturday??
Earth is alive. But she has a cancer called humans.
Some nights I wish my lips could build a castle.
Don't waste your time, or time will waste you.
Who dares, wins.
Leave the sinking ship behind.
We're just two lost souls, swimming in a fishbowl, year after year.
Some things need to stay buried away in your heart, because reliving those feelings digs up all that hard work you did to cover them up and heal them.
// I really am SO grateful for my old friends! It's amazing that I could still have a relationship with those people so many years later. It's so touching that people would go out of their ways to call... And JUST chat- to laugh, and kid, and get to know each other all over again. And also- they want to hook me up with hot men. So I'm SO down with this whole thing.
Chao!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
First last days of Highschool.
Yesterday I started my senior year, not quite in style, but I started it. I wore a pink top, with a black lace neckline, white skinnies, a black belt, starkly sandals, and I wore my hair straight. Looking good just made me realize the reality of school, so I didn't think much of it.
To make a pretty Uneventful day short, I lived :) I did almost get killed by the mass amounts of sophomores in the hallways, but what's a few bruises, right? And when I say mass sophomores, I mean MASS! Like... 800 students in the graduating class massive! Ah!
Today... Today was a totally different story. Today I had drill, then seminary, and then two hours to just mess around before timp. OH. MY. GOSH. that school is amazing!! You walk in, and the fact that almost no one is wearing colored jeans, is crazy good! Everyone is so original! I don't know why I haven't gone there before this year- biggest mistake of my life. Also, they have zero dress code :) not that I'll follow that, but it's just weird to see people wearing tanks and short shorts and not getting in trouble... I like it! It gives people a chance to show their individuality :)
But don't get me started on that CLASS! It's awesome! And the great thing is, all of it transfers to WSU and I can major in it there. I'm so sold on that school! AND!! The even greater thing is we go to New York over spring break! I wouldn't be as excited I'd it were for any other class... This one will help me with college and my career :) :) I LOVE IT!
We had a great seminary lesson today. I loved what brother McGuire said: "He knows every card in every shuffle". It's so true, and it really showed what we believe in; not all the doctrines, but the plain and simpleness of what we REALLY believe- how to be Christlike and loving. I wish everyone could have been there for that lesson. Ah. I'm still raving over it :)
Have a good school year!
To make a pretty Uneventful day short, I lived :) I did almost get killed by the mass amounts of sophomores in the hallways, but what's a few bruises, right? And when I say mass sophomores, I mean MASS! Like... 800 students in the graduating class massive! Ah!
Today... Today was a totally different story. Today I had drill, then seminary, and then two hours to just mess around before timp. OH. MY. GOSH. that school is amazing!! You walk in, and the fact that almost no one is wearing colored jeans, is crazy good! Everyone is so original! I don't know why I haven't gone there before this year- biggest mistake of my life. Also, they have zero dress code :) not that I'll follow that, but it's just weird to see people wearing tanks and short shorts and not getting in trouble... I like it! It gives people a chance to show their individuality :)
But don't get me started on that CLASS! It's awesome! And the great thing is, all of it transfers to WSU and I can major in it there. I'm so sold on that school! AND!! The even greater thing is we go to New York over spring break! I wouldn't be as excited I'd it were for any other class... This one will help me with college and my career :) :) I LOVE IT!
We had a great seminary lesson today. I loved what brother McGuire said: "He knows every card in every shuffle". It's so true, and it really showed what we believe in; not all the doctrines, but the plain and simpleness of what we REALLY believe- how to be Christlike and loving. I wish everyone could have been there for that lesson. Ah. I'm still raving over it :)
Have a good school year!
The Grand Teton Relay: team MEDIUM RARE
I went on a three day adventure with my parents, our friends and their son this weekend. And when I say adventure, I really mean adventure. We did something called the GT Relay; it's 180 miles, 24 hours, and split between two teams of six. Boy, was it fun!
We came up thursday night and spent the night at their cabin. After watching The Women in Black, we were sufficiently scared and headed off to bed so we could make our check in time at 9:15 the next morning.
Haha, the things you see at these races is just hilarious! There was one team that wore fake bare butts over their shorts- absolutely hilarious! There were jail mates, gays, and so many more.
As we waited for our first van to finish their legs, we just messed around. We saw a beautiful waterfall, saw amazing ponds, and just laughed. The couple we went with is just hilarious!
We started our legs at 4 pm. Now, I was runner 12, so I was the very last to run before switching teams again. OH MY GOSH! My first run was completely in the dark, freezing, and I thought I was going to be eaten by bears and moose on multiple occasions. Luckily, my car got to shadow me. But really, I screamed a few times. So scary! And all I had was a head lamp, reflective vest, and a butt light.
After we ran, we went to a local Highschool. It was midnight by the time I finished, so when we got there.... Ah, we were famished. They fed us pepper water and red dye #5. It was disgusting. We then had to make camp on their football field. Okay. It's maybe 40 degrees outside at this point, so we weren't too thrilled. But, I slept like a freaking baby- for an hour. Yes folks, we got an hour of sleep after 6 straight hours of running.
Here starts our second leg.
My second run was the hardest run of the whole race. I gained 900ft in elevation in 4 miles- brutal. I started at 7, so it wasn't too bad. But man!! I was dead by the time I hit the top.
Once at Grand Targhee Resort, we got to eat (thank goodness! We didn't get a real meal that whole day... Due to the running and following). we also washed our hair in sinks, shaved, and applied bengay all in the public bathrooms. I'm sure we looked homeless at this point.
We got down to our transition point for our third leg. There, we slept in a park on mats and blankets. Best sleep I've ever had with music blasting and people everywhere. I must have been really exhausted-- I was!
Then starts leg three. My run was lengthened by .7 miles, which doesn't sound like much, right?? Well, I almost chucked my water bottle at everyone that rode past, almost curled up in a ball and died, and I muttered many ugly words- some not muttered so quietly.
I only ran 4.9 miles that last leg, but boy was I about to die. And that's no exaggeration. It was 90, no wind, and flat the entire time. It was straight from hell.
I finished the race for us all and ran us through the finishing line- even though I was about to cry and scream, it was a great feeling! My team was there to greet me with smiles and encouraging slaps on the back. We got our medals, took a picture under the finish, and sang to Austin for his birthday.. Everyone in attendance did :) he's a good kid, and so hilarious :)
My hip hurt, my achilles was about to rip, my left hamstring felt like it was pulled to the extreme and then rolled through tiny rocks, my feet blistered and my arches killing me.... But I finished. I FINISHED!!! Ah! It feels so cool to say I've done this! And that it wasn't really all that hard- had I had the right sleep and the right temperatures, mind you. Cardio wise, I was completely fine! Go me!
We're finally on our way home, but probs won't make it until 1 am. Yay for 9 am church! Im skipping sacrament.. I think God will understand. And if I have to fast after we find food (IF we find food) after running that madness for my patriarchal blessing... Yeah, he'll understand, I'm sure.
I'm so grateful to have the health to be able to do something like this!! It was something I won't ever forget! I'm glad my parents are athletic enough to be able to do it with me, and beat me at it, too! Ah, it was beautiful and amazing and I'm so excited I did it!!
We came up thursday night and spent the night at their cabin. After watching The Women in Black, we were sufficiently scared and headed off to bed so we could make our check in time at 9:15 the next morning.
Haha, the things you see at these races is just hilarious! There was one team that wore fake bare butts over their shorts- absolutely hilarious! There were jail mates, gays, and so many more.
As we waited for our first van to finish their legs, we just messed around. We saw a beautiful waterfall, saw amazing ponds, and just laughed. The couple we went with is just hilarious!
We started our legs at 4 pm. Now, I was runner 12, so I was the very last to run before switching teams again. OH MY GOSH! My first run was completely in the dark, freezing, and I thought I was going to be eaten by bears and moose on multiple occasions. Luckily, my car got to shadow me. But really, I screamed a few times. So scary! And all I had was a head lamp, reflective vest, and a butt light.
After we ran, we went to a local Highschool. It was midnight by the time I finished, so when we got there.... Ah, we were famished. They fed us pepper water and red dye #5. It was disgusting. We then had to make camp on their football field. Okay. It's maybe 40 degrees outside at this point, so we weren't too thrilled. But, I slept like a freaking baby- for an hour. Yes folks, we got an hour of sleep after 6 straight hours of running.
Here starts our second leg.
My second run was the hardest run of the whole race. I gained 900ft in elevation in 4 miles- brutal. I started at 7, so it wasn't too bad. But man!! I was dead by the time I hit the top.
Once at Grand Targhee Resort, we got to eat (thank goodness! We didn't get a real meal that whole day... Due to the running and following). we also washed our hair in sinks, shaved, and applied bengay all in the public bathrooms. I'm sure we looked homeless at this point.
We got down to our transition point for our third leg. There, we slept in a park on mats and blankets. Best sleep I've ever had with music blasting and people everywhere. I must have been really exhausted-- I was!
Then starts leg three. My run was lengthened by .7 miles, which doesn't sound like much, right?? Well, I almost chucked my water bottle at everyone that rode past, almost curled up in a ball and died, and I muttered many ugly words- some not muttered so quietly.
I only ran 4.9 miles that last leg, but boy was I about to die. And that's no exaggeration. It was 90, no wind, and flat the entire time. It was straight from hell.
I finished the race for us all and ran us through the finishing line- even though I was about to cry and scream, it was a great feeling! My team was there to greet me with smiles and encouraging slaps on the back. We got our medals, took a picture under the finish, and sang to Austin for his birthday.. Everyone in attendance did :) he's a good kid, and so hilarious :)
My hip hurt, my achilles was about to rip, my left hamstring felt like it was pulled to the extreme and then rolled through tiny rocks, my feet blistered and my arches killing me.... But I finished. I FINISHED!!! Ah! It feels so cool to say I've done this! And that it wasn't really all that hard- had I had the right sleep and the right temperatures, mind you. Cardio wise, I was completely fine! Go me!
We're finally on our way home, but probs won't make it until 1 am. Yay for 9 am church! Im skipping sacrament.. I think God will understand. And if I have to fast after we find food (IF we find food) after running that madness for my patriarchal blessing... Yeah, he'll understand, I'm sure.
I'm so grateful to have the health to be able to do something like this!! It was something I won't ever forget! I'm glad my parents are athletic enough to be able to do it with me, and beat me at it, too! Ah, it was beautiful and amazing and I'm so excited I did it!!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Hell week: day one.
Looks like this week won't be too much hell, after all.
Today we learned dance routine. It's super cute, different, and looks good. But it's not hard, or a challenge.
After getting my books and paying for school, I went back for a few hours with dance co. I'm not gonna lie, I was terrified. They all hate me, and I'm sure I was the last person they wanted to see. Turns out, that wasn't the only thing to be worried about. The dance I incredible! It's hard, hard, hard, but it's doable. I haven't been pushed with choreography like that for years! I was definitely rusty, but it felt so good to be scared! To not be one of the top, and to be pushed hard! It was nice to feel dumb and like I sucked... Because then I wanted to try harder than i do at my practices. I was actually looking forward to doing this dance with them.
It was never set in stone that would be do the dance with them, but I hoped it could be.
I was so worried about looking bad again, that I came home and worked on that dance for a solid hour. I broke everything down and learned it perfectly. But turns out, we aren't doing it with them. I guess 31 girls is too many, but I have a feeling that's not the only reason.
I mean, good things don't really happen with me and drill team. Why would this work? That would be something good.
I just need this to work. Because deep down (but not even that deep) I don't want to be there. I'm tired of taking last and not being liked by our school. It's so hard. So so so hard.
"Nothing worthwhile is easy".... This isn't easy. But is it worthwhile?
Today we learned dance routine. It's super cute, different, and looks good. But it's not hard, or a challenge.
After getting my books and paying for school, I went back for a few hours with dance co. I'm not gonna lie, I was terrified. They all hate me, and I'm sure I was the last person they wanted to see. Turns out, that wasn't the only thing to be worried about. The dance I incredible! It's hard, hard, hard, but it's doable. I haven't been pushed with choreography like that for years! I was definitely rusty, but it felt so good to be scared! To not be one of the top, and to be pushed hard! It was nice to feel dumb and like I sucked... Because then I wanted to try harder than i do at my practices. I was actually looking forward to doing this dance with them.
It was never set in stone that would be do the dance with them, but I hoped it could be.
I was so worried about looking bad again, that I came home and worked on that dance for a solid hour. I broke everything down and learned it perfectly. But turns out, we aren't doing it with them. I guess 31 girls is too many, but I have a feeling that's not the only reason.
I mean, good things don't really happen with me and drill team. Why would this work? That would be something good.
I just need this to work. Because deep down (but not even that deep) I don't want to be there. I'm tired of taking last and not being liked by our school. It's so hard. So so so hard.
"Nothing worthwhile is easy".... This isn't easy. But is it worthwhile?
Monday, August 13, 2012
The beginning of... This week
We had pictures today. It went pretty well- I've done this enough times that it lost its appeal for me. But fun, nonetheless.
I don't know how I'm going to do this. I honestly can't make eye contact with anyone. I'm known as the blog girl, im sure of it. If it helps, I've bawled about that mistakes for hours now. Don't fret, I'm apologizing for it. I didn't mean it, I shouldn't have said it, and I know that it was wrong. Trust me, I'm still paying for it. You just have to understand the darkness in my life at that time. No, that's not a justification, but maybe it'll make more sense if you were to understand my motives.
It ruined my chance as captain, and the relationship I have with my coach. I love her, and she's gonna be amazing, but I have so much to prove to her- even with an apology. Here we go.
Here's to having a big, fat, loud mouth 👍 (thumbs up)
CHEERS.
I don't know how I'm going to do this. I honestly can't make eye contact with anyone. I'm known as the blog girl, im sure of it. If it helps, I've bawled about that mistakes for hours now. Don't fret, I'm apologizing for it. I didn't mean it, I shouldn't have said it, and I know that it was wrong. Trust me, I'm still paying for it. You just have to understand the darkness in my life at that time. No, that's not a justification, but maybe it'll make more sense if you were to understand my motives.
It ruined my chance as captain, and the relationship I have with my coach. I love her, and she's gonna be amazing, but I have so much to prove to her- even with an apology. Here we go.
Here's to having a big, fat, loud mouth 👍 (thumbs up)
CHEERS.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
The official start of my senior year..
Wow. I'm a senior. It didn't hit me until tonight! I'm the head honcho, the queen of the school.. It's weird!
Recap of tonight: I wore my Beatles t-shirt, a black and white stripped maxi skirt, black belt with gold buckle, gold leafy earring, and my favorite ear embellishments. I must say, between the curly hair and the rocking outfit, I was feeling good :)
I got to see my friends, so that was nice :) I sat close to her, and it wasn't a problem. I almost wanted to say hi... Almost. Then he showed up. Even before that, I was looking for so much attention. Like. Wow, I've never acted like this. It's just that group of people- they make me want their attention; I want to be someone they all want to talk to, someone they all like. So I was loud and obnoxious. I was always conscious of the fact that everyone was sitting 10 feet away, and I wasn't. I wanted them to know that. I wanted everyone to know what I was doing, what I thought, what was on my mind- it was obnoxious. I even sped out of the parking lot with my cute indie music blasting so people would look.
I like to call this: single-syndrome. I would also like to link it to the fact that I have an ever present memory of a person to impress. I want them to see me being okay, looking good, smiling, talking to boys... I need them to see it. I need them to miss it. And then I will act as if I don't care, because I need to show them what it feels like :)
Also! My best friend is a cheerleader!! She looked AMAZING! Sooo good! I am so happy to see her out there loving it :) we are her biggest fans and I'm so excited to see her out there on the field :) she deserves something this great in her life!
My other friends are amazing, too :) I can't explain what the get me through. That someone could understand me so well, is so incredible. I can rely on any of those girls for ANYTHING, and it's a huge blessing :) I love you :)
Recap of tonight: I wore my Beatles t-shirt, a black and white stripped maxi skirt, black belt with gold buckle, gold leafy earring, and my favorite ear embellishments. I must say, between the curly hair and the rocking outfit, I was feeling good :)
I got to see my friends, so that was nice :) I sat close to her, and it wasn't a problem. I almost wanted to say hi... Almost. Then he showed up. Even before that, I was looking for so much attention. Like. Wow, I've never acted like this. It's just that group of people- they make me want their attention; I want to be someone they all want to talk to, someone they all like. So I was loud and obnoxious. I was always conscious of the fact that everyone was sitting 10 feet away, and I wasn't. I wanted them to know that. I wanted everyone to know what I was doing, what I thought, what was on my mind- it was obnoxious. I even sped out of the parking lot with my cute indie music blasting so people would look.
I like to call this: single-syndrome. I would also like to link it to the fact that I have an ever present memory of a person to impress. I want them to see me being okay, looking good, smiling, talking to boys... I need them to see it. I need them to miss it. And then I will act as if I don't care, because I need to show them what it feels like :)
Also! My best friend is a cheerleader!! She looked AMAZING! Sooo good! I am so happy to see her out there loving it :) we are her biggest fans and I'm so excited to see her out there on the field :) she deserves something this great in her life!
My other friends are amazing, too :) I can't explain what the get me through. That someone could understand me so well, is so incredible. I can rely on any of those girls for ANYTHING, and it's a huge blessing :) I love you :)
Friday, August 10, 2012
The plans of a 17 year old girl.
I had the fabulous plans to hike Timp this fine evening. After days of planning, it was finally going to happen.
Then this storm rolls in. Not only does it ruin my plans, but it puts me in a terrible mood. Because guess what? It's not even blustering anymore. Which was the whole reason we opted not to go.
I really was so excited. I was going to hike it with all my good friends, there were actually going to be boys involved, which shocks even myself, and it was just going to be grand.
Moral of the story: check the weather, make sure everyone will be in town, listen to that gut feeling that's telling you you probably won't end up going, and don't get your hopes up. Because now I'm just like, screw you. To everyone.
I did have a great time at city creek! I didn't buy a thing :) I'm just saving that for next week :) hopefully my shopping buddy won't bail on me.. Like he always does. He's so confusing.. *makes confused/ wondering face*
.. Life is a journey :)
Then this storm rolls in. Not only does it ruin my plans, but it puts me in a terrible mood. Because guess what? It's not even blustering anymore. Which was the whole reason we opted not to go.
I really was so excited. I was going to hike it with all my good friends, there were actually going to be boys involved, which shocks even myself, and it was just going to be grand.
Moral of the story: check the weather, make sure everyone will be in town, listen to that gut feeling that's telling you you probably won't end up going, and don't get your hopes up. Because now I'm just like, screw you. To everyone.
I did have a great time at city creek! I didn't buy a thing :) I'm just saving that for next week :) hopefully my shopping buddy won't bail on me.. Like he always does. He's so confusing.. *makes confused/ wondering face*
.. Life is a journey :)
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