tradition and thoughts

Almost every Sunday night, I have a Skype session with one of my very best friends. And almost every time we talk, I have an 'ah ha!' moment- he just seems to know what to say, even when I'm not necessarily looking for the right words. He just says things that hit me in just the right spot at just the right moment.
Tonight we discussed what we discuss every time we speak, without fail: our missions. He finishes the last part of his papers this week, and then he's got his last interview, and then they're off! His call will be coming a whole lot sooner than any of  us are prepared for. Especially me.
I was thinking about missions in Sacrament meeting, as I always do, and as our 1st Counselor read a letter from our stake presidency regarding the mission age change, it hit me; my friends are leaving. The boys I've looked up to so much over the years are leaving. And when they leave, yeah, I won't have much time myself, but I won't have anyone to talk to. Oh, I will miss them so terribly. But then I won't, because they are doing the best thing any person could do for their lives, and I am so PROUD of them. I love them like my brothers, which I never had, so they basically are.
We also discussed a subject that's been on my mind more than ever. That's all I'll say, but again, he knew what to say. He's so on point about things that he gets me to cry. Or maybe he just lets me talk and that's what gets me going... That's probably what it is. No one lets me talk about those silly and serious things; I'm glad he does.

This one's for you, for your happiness, your future, and your incredible decision. I'm lucky and blessed to know you.

Swerve.

Yesterday was our last drill competition ever. wow. I made it? Really? It's almost over? What a relief! I'm grateful that we had our little get away- it was a really insightful night. I came to know that my thoughts and insecurities really aren't that different from those around me. And it was such a relief. Maybe there's really not as much wrong with me and I initially thought. Phew.

So gratified for my tender mercies. Let's get through this together.
He's in it if I am.

As life meets itself

I've always had this place, this state of mind, in my head that no one has ever been able to understand.

It's that place between this awful world and that peace and comfort; it's where I feel alive, like a live wire. I get excited and I'm overwhelmed by emotion. I feel PASSIONATE... Like I could create anything with the right tools. I wish to tell everyone how much they mean to me and the impact they've had on me (I never do). I always want to travel by myself, bring a camera, and meditate; appreciate all that's around me.

THAT is ME. THAT is what I AM. I live for those moments. I seek every opportunity to feel that way.

But you see, no one sees ME. No one understands the potential my nerves want to reach at the most confusing and random times. No one gets it. It's utterly exasperating.

And when no one gets it, it's personal. When people don't support my wishes and goals, I want to scream "DON'T YOU KNOW ME? DON'T YOU love ME?". Because no, they don't. They don't know my reason for my healthy ways, they don't understand my urge to serve a mission. They don't support it.

I wish to be supported.

Not even my very best friends understand it. Not even my best friends support me.

When I find the one who does, I won't let them go. I will spend eternity with them.

I wonder why I wasn't blessed with the ability to write beautiful words- words that will impact those who hear or read them, but I hope maybe this described that in-between that no one can see.


The best I can describe it?


I feel infinite.

Date night

The Avengers are great, the Avengers fight hate, the Avengers are great to watch on a date, when it's late, past eight.
-Alex Fender


We had a good time. Actually, I had a fantastic time, but that's indifferent.
Held hands, got compliments, giggled, and laughed; has my bubble been removed??
He's oh so nice. And he's got the blogging to a "T".





Why are boys so ticklish??

It takes two to tango.

Don't ever stand a girl up. Not in any way, or on any level.

Christmas nights

Happy feelings, giving gifts, lovely people, and a kind heart.


Thank you for loving me even when it's the hardest thing to do.

The perfect halo of yellow and gold lightning

After 10 long months of being completely single and loving it, I've reached a point where I might be comfortable with the idea "single-and-ready-to-mingle".

I went on a long-awaited date last night with the only person that has managed to get me out of my single funk. We went to Traverse Mountain Outlets to finish our shopping date we didn't really get to finish in SLC. I found everything I was looking for: long skirts, ties, and trousers. I didn't buy anything (mainly because I didn't have the patience to try anything on[which may or may not have been because it's winter and I definitely don't shave my legs... but that's beside the point]). I would call this a huge accomplishment. And I realized something about him on this little shopping trip: he knows more about clothing terms than I do! It was really quite impressive until I got jealous.

I managed to get him to believe I utterly despised America and there was nothing good about this country. He got so heated about it, and I just laughed in the passenger seat because I found it so hilarious. It was a good basis for our night, though, so I regret nothing.

We watched the weirdest movie ever: Fantastic Mr. Fox. And when I say weird, I mean really weird. We were funny, though.


NOW.


I thought I was doing really well with the whole being flirty thing. Between laughing and giggling and the teasing, I thought it was just the right amount for him... I didn't want to freak him out. I didn't know how he felt about cuddling and holding hands and things like that, so I didn't really get my hopes up about it. I wasn't let down at the end of the night when I wasn't given what every girl hopes for at her doorstep because I wasn't expecting it. Not at all (although everyone else in my life was).

BUT, don't worry, apparently my caution was not what he had in mind. I have a "bubble". You're probably asking yourself what this means, and so am I.. so am I.

I guess it means I need to be more flirty and touchy. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE FLIRTY. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE TOUCHY AND CUTE ANYMORE. I've lost my ability to be sultry. I feel like I've lost my womanhood. When a guy says you aren't being flirty enough... YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.


Favorite line of the night:
A: I don't know if I want to hug you cause you hate America so much...
C: Shut up, you want to hug me *goes in for hug* *steps on his toes* *embarrassed*



And he said, with his head in her hair, "Chloe, you're so beautiful!".

I sure hope I don't regret this post.

GOML

im all about change and trying new things and not being stuck. but I am doing just that; im stuck.
i want people on my same level.
i want people who will support me in my decisions.
i want someone who understands me