Those unpleasant feelings.

You know when you feel embarrassed, but you don't let it show? It's a feeling deep inside, and you feel like the whole world just knows you're vulnerable? And you can't speak because you know whatever comes from your mouth will be awkward?? You know that feeling?


The problem with me is that I live too in the moment. Meaning, I don't think about how my actions, words, and conversations are going to affect me in just a few short hours. It's a weakness I tell myself I'll over come every time I'm done paying for one fat-mouthed response, but I brush that off the next time, always telling myself "this time will be different. This time I won't regret it".

I have yet to experience a moment like that.

Tonight would be a good example of this. A good example X3.

I feel embarrassed about him, about showing up, and about that kiss.

I'm doing a cleanse tomorrow. No messages, no twitter, no pinterest... No phone. I need a day to keep myself out of trouble.

I get attention. People know me. I don't to seek after it even more... I'm still grasping at that.


I thought you were better than that.
I DID take that personally.
That was low, even for you.
I'm sorry everyone but me is pressuring you into this.

This night didn't exist.

Tah.

The season of dance asking

It's that time of year again! Yes, the time for boys to buck up the courage to ask that pretty girl they've had their eye on since the last dance. For girls to go out and buy all types of sparkles, and glitter, and all things that shine. And of course that gorgeous dress that will make every other girl around them envious. It's time for HOMECOMING :)

I am very exited to go with Mr. Charming, that boy I've had my eye on, the boy I've been dress shopping for for weeks :)

He just needs to ask me. Come out of hiding, first, actually.

There is a fella I would LOVE to go with. But I've only been an admirer. He does know who I am, and he did sound interested, but if we haven't even talked... What makes me think he'll ask me to homecoming?? The faith I put in my dear, dear friends.

And he is quite the charmer, let me tell you :) the style is what entices me the most, naturally. The hair, though.. I'm a fan of that hair. So, please, Mr. Stranger, ask me to homecoming :) we'd be the best dressed couple there.

The affect of Europe

1) my dads from Scotland, my Nan from England, all my cousins in wales, Scotland, and Germany. Me.. America
2) I've been given the opportunity to go for a month in June, then my family will meet up with me in Scotland in July. Trip breakdown: fly into Scotland, stay for a few days. Go down to wales, stay a few days. head over to Germany, stay for a week. Drive down to France with my auntie and spend time there. Go back to Scotland and spend three more weeks for a family reunion.
3) AP Euro history: man. I've only been twice and I'm obsessed. I love it. We were asked where we would go in Europe on the first day, and, without hesitation, I said wales. I LOVE IT THERE. LOVE IT.
4) we had friends over for dessert tonight that have lived all over Europe their whole lives. They moved here a year ago from Switzerland. Oh. My. Gosh. They are so fortunate to live how they have!! They're thinking about living in Singapore next... And my jaw drops just thinking about it!! Jenny and Justine are going to china in 7 weeks.. Just for fun. My dad has thousands on miles, but he won't use them. Which I sooooo annoying!!
5) I'm just obsessed. I love it!


I mean I kinda sound spoiled, but I'm not. If I were, they would have sent me this last summer. I am VERY fortunate though. I'm thankful for the things I have and the things I will get.


Oh. And ps. I turn 18 in two months from TODAY. I'll be able to vote (not for Obama) and I can't wait!!!

Date a girl...

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Me :)

You're my favorite "twitter-er"

Brilliance. Sums up everything going through my head- which happens to be a whole slew of things [just be flattered]

On a scale of north Korea to America, how free are you on Saturday??

Earth is alive. But she has a cancer called humans.

Some nights I wish my lips could build a castle.

Don't waste your time, or time will waste you.

Who dares, wins.

Leave the sinking ship behind.

We're just two lost souls, swimming in a fishbowl, year after year.







Some things need to stay buried away in your heart, because reliving those feelings digs up all that hard work you did to cover them up and heal them.
// I really am SO grateful for my old friends! It's amazing that I could still have a relationship with those people so many years later. It's so touching that people would go out of their ways to call... And JUST chat- to laugh, and kid, and get to know each other all over again. And also- they want to hook me up with hot men. So I'm SO down with this whole thing.


Chao!

First last days of Highschool.

Yesterday I started my senior year, not quite in style, but I started it. I wore a pink top, with a black lace neckline, white skinnies, a black belt, starkly sandals, and I wore my hair straight. Looking good just made me realize the reality of school, so I didn't think much of it.

To make a pretty Uneventful day short, I lived :) I did almost get killed by the mass amounts of sophomores in the hallways, but what's a few bruises, right? And when I say mass sophomores, I mean MASS! Like... 800 students in the graduating class massive! Ah!

Today... Today was a totally different story. Today I had drill, then seminary, and then two hours to just mess around before timp. OH. MY. GOSH. that school is amazing!! You walk in, and the fact that almost no one is wearing colored jeans, is crazy good! Everyone is so original! I don't know why I haven't gone there before this year- biggest mistake of my life. Also, they have zero dress code :) not that I'll follow that, but it's just weird to see people wearing tanks and short shorts and not getting in trouble... I like it! It gives people a chance to show their individuality :)

But don't get me started on that CLASS! It's awesome! And the great thing is, all of it transfers to WSU and I can major in it there. I'm so sold on that school! AND!! The even greater thing is we go to New York over spring break! I wouldn't be as excited I'd it were for any other class... This one will help me with college and my career :) :) I LOVE IT!




We had a great seminary lesson today. I loved what brother McGuire said: "He knows every card in every shuffle". It's so true, and it really showed what we believe in; not all the doctrines, but the plain and simpleness of what we REALLY believe- how to be Christlike and loving. I wish everyone could have been there for that lesson. Ah. I'm still raving over it :)



Have a good school year!

The Grand Teton Relay: team MEDIUM RARE

I went on a three day adventure with my parents, our friends and their son this weekend. And when I say adventure, I really mean adventure. We did something called the GT Relay; it's 180 miles, 24 hours, and split between two teams of six. Boy, was it fun!

We came up thursday night and spent the night at their cabin. After watching The Women in Black, we were sufficiently scared and headed off to bed so we could make our check in time at 9:15 the next morning.

Haha, the things you see at these races is just hilarious! There was one team that wore fake bare butts over their shorts- absolutely hilarious! There were jail mates, gays, and so many more.

As we waited for our first van to finish their legs, we just messed around. We saw a beautiful waterfall, saw amazing ponds, and just laughed. The couple we went with is just hilarious!

We started our legs at 4 pm. Now, I was runner 12, so I was the very last to run before switching teams again. OH MY GOSH! My first run was completely in the dark, freezing, and I thought I was going to be eaten by bears and moose on multiple occasions. Luckily, my car got to shadow me. But really, I screamed a few times. So scary! And all I had was a head lamp, reflective vest, and a butt light.

After we ran, we went to a local Highschool. It was midnight by the time I finished, so when we got there.... Ah, we were famished. They fed us pepper water and red dye #5. It was disgusting. We then had to make camp on their football field. Okay. It's maybe 40 degrees outside at this point, so we weren't too thrilled. But, I slept like a freaking baby- for an hour. Yes folks, we got an hour of sleep after 6 straight hours of running.

Here starts our second leg.

My second run was the hardest run of the whole race. I gained 900ft in elevation in 4 miles- brutal. I started at 7, so it wasn't too bad. But man!! I was dead by the time I hit the top.

Once at Grand Targhee Resort, we got to eat (thank goodness! We didn't get a real meal that whole day... Due to the running and following). we also washed our hair in sinks, shaved, and applied bengay all in the public bathrooms. I'm sure we looked homeless at this point.

We got down to our transition point for our third leg. There, we slept in a park on mats and blankets. Best sleep I've ever had with music blasting and people everywhere. I must have been really exhausted-- I was!

Then starts leg three. My run was lengthened by .7 miles, which doesn't sound like much, right?? Well, I almost chucked my water bottle at everyone that rode past, almost curled up in a ball and died, and I muttered many ugly words- some not muttered so quietly.

I only ran 4.9 miles that last leg, but boy was I about to die. And that's no exaggeration. It was 90, no wind, and flat the entire time. It was straight from hell.

I finished the race for us all and ran us through the finishing line- even though I was about to cry and scream, it was a great feeling! My team was there to greet me with smiles and encouraging slaps on the back. We got our medals, took a picture under the finish, and sang to Austin for his birthday.. Everyone in attendance did :) he's a good kid, and so hilarious :)

My hip hurt, my achilles was about to rip, my left hamstring felt like it was pulled to the extreme and then rolled through tiny rocks, my feet blistered and my arches killing me.... But I finished. I FINISHED!!! Ah! It feels so cool to say I've done this! And that it wasn't really all that hard- had I had the right sleep and the right temperatures, mind you. Cardio wise, I was completely fine! Go me!

We're finally on our way home, but probs won't make it until 1 am. Yay for 9 am church! Im skipping sacrament.. I think God will understand. And if I have to fast after we find food (IF we find food) after running that madness for my patriarchal blessing... Yeah, he'll understand, I'm sure.

I'm so grateful to have the health to be able to do something like this!! It was something I won't ever forget! I'm glad my parents are athletic enough to be able to do it with me, and beat me at it, too! Ah, it was beautiful and amazing and I'm so excited I did it!!